How do you deal with the fact that the your BPDgf doesn't match your efforts in the relationship. With love, respect, favors, anything.
For example, I do a lot of things for my BPDgf. Countless favors, I always drive, pay for her, everything. I asked her one time last week to turn in some papers for me because I had to run into work and totally forgot to do it. She blew up and make a huge scene refusing to do it because it was inconvenient for her. Every time we go to the bar, I drive. Tonight my friend is coming into town and we would like to drink together. I asked her to drive because she wants to come, and she is now upset.
How do I deal with this because she expects so many things for me, and when I ask for things in return, she blows up.
Your BPDgf does not think and reason in the same way you do. Her motivations are completely different. There are many tools and techniques to improve the way you interact, but you will not be able to get her to act and think in the same manner you do.
Have you worked your way through the
LESSONS ?. They will put much of this into a logical order.
At times we are able to get them to compromise and help more, but unfortunately their motivation will be flawed. Rather than changing due to a motivation coming from responsibility, it comes from appeasement, which is not lasting. It also creates resentment.
There will need to be a lot changing in your approach to accepting a different reality than you may normally expect, to achieve any sort of harmony. Otherwise you will be forever locked in spiraling conflict