Poll: BPD partners and therapy

[blackbirdsong]

Wondering what is the situation among you people on Staying board.

How many of your partners actually seeks help.

The therapy concept in the poll refers to actual BPD resolving therapy (like DBT, or other types but working on BPD).

Therapy in this case doesn't include other types of help (e.g., he/she knows that has issues but won't admit BPD)

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PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members may appear frustrated but they are here for constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[Ceruleanblue]

My husband won't admit to BPD, but he did say his therapist says he has "traits" of it. I can also say he's highly, narcissistic, and at times I feel he could have antisocial personality disorder. I'd say he has most of the traits of BPD except for suicidal ideation. He's much higher functioning outside the home than in it. His interpersonal relationships are very classic to BPD.

Just today, he's back in DBT, after months away. He'd gone for about four or five months, and I couldn't tell he was getting anything out of it. He seemed to use his time to complain about me, rather than take any ownership of his own issues. I think his therapist should have put a stop to that, but she got let go, as there was some shakedown there. I think DBT can have good outcomes, but the person going has to want to be accountable, and do the work. BPDh would rather zone out, play games on his computer, or ignore his issues away. He knows what he's doing doesn't work, but he doens't have the motivation to really change. I'm hoping it does at some point. Maybe his new therapist as of today will help him want to make some positive changes... .

Before this, BPDh was in cognitive behavior therapy for three or four years, and he actually got worse under her care. I think she was either in it for the money, or he'd manipulated her into believing a lot of his lies/skewed reality. She never seemed to really confront him, and she knew he'd physically abused me at times. She knew he had horrible anger issues, yet it took her three years, and me begging that he see an actual psychiatrist for her to recommend one.

I also went to the same psychiatrist, got on something for a while, got in therapy to get MY head straight, and am doing better being the calm in the storm, and learning to walk away. Much as we want to guide them to get help, it has to come from them, and sadly, some pwPDs just don't want to get better, or they want to stay in denial.

[umberto]

About a year ago I came to the conclusion that my wife has BPD, I shared that with her after a crisis and we looked into it together and she agrees she does have it. Nothing really progressed after that, there were good times but no real change. Only now (following another series of crisises) are we arranging her to meet with a psychiatrist, get a psychologist and looking at DBT workbooks. She is excited about the prospect of getting better and for her life to improve. The situation of getting help was somewhat forced though, she resisted for a long time though I think she agreed she needed it. Now that it's going to happen, I know that she is scared but she does want to get better. I expect difficulties ahead, but knowing she's getting help (and I think is willing to work on it at, least at this moment) makes me feel a lot more positive about it.

[EaglesJuju]

My boyfriend is in therapy to work on his "behaviors." His therapy is CBT (cognitive behavioral therapy) based.

He never directly told me that he is diagnosed with BPD, although he told me has a "personality disorder" and Bipolar II. He has described the traits of his personality disorder verbatim from diagnostic criteria for BPD.

I understand why he does not talk about a diagnosis. It can be very stigmatizing, for that reason many psychologists/psychiatrists do not focus on labels and give a BPD diagnosis. Considering the propensity for BPD to sufferers to have poor self-esteem/self-worth, self-loathing, and shame, diagnosing or giving a label of BPD can reinforce feelings of shame or self-loathing. In those instances, the maladaptive behavior is targeted for improvement. On the other hand, some BPD sufferers are receptive and relieved to be diagnosed. It can be relieving to find out why they have been behaving in certain ways.

He is very self-aware and recognizes maladaptive behavior. He has been working hard on changing his behavior, especially self-sabotage and projection. He still struggles with depression and poor self-esteem.  Therapy has made a huge difference.

[TheRealJongoBong]

My wife will not admit that anything is wrong with her, even after she was placed in involuntary hold. She basically blames the other person for problems in her relationships. Right now she has convinced herself that she feels attacked all the time because I am a narcissist and am afraid of myself, that she won't feel better until I "fix" myself.

At the same time she says that she is responsible for all of her feelings and no one can make her happy but herself.

And at the same time she says she is happy and bouyant and things are great (except for me, of course).

Coherency in thought is not her strong point.

[Chilibean13]

My H will not admit to BPD. I do not talk about it with him because it upsets him when I "put him in a box" or "diagnose" him. One thing that we can talk about when he is on his up cycle is him being a "highly sensitive person". When he is open to this, we can talk about DBT and read through some online DBT lessons.

He was in therapy but we both felt like it was making him worse. He felt like he wasn't getting much out of it and it seemed like he was getting worse. The info that I've found online is giving him practical things to do when he is angry whereas his therapy was just talking about his triggers and his past abuse. I even hear him practicing these things outloud sometimes when he starts to get upset.

If things get bad again we agreed that he would get back into T.

[foggydew]

UBPD person does think that something is not OK, but he thought about  Asperger's. A  test  showed  him  on  the borderline  level.  I've  tried  to suggest  therapy -  many  years  ago he  went a couple of times, but the therapist wanted to include his stepdad, who wouldn't go. At  school,  his  teachers  thought  something  was  wrong,  and  he  had  tests, but  nothing  came of it.