Holiday Break (up)

[Seeks]

The holidays this year were a bit rougher than usual. A couple weeks before Christmas my mother died, my GF's grandmother died, and a week later my GF accused me of secretly putting something in her food to sabotage her diet then broke up with me and blocked me on her phone.

On Christmas eve I left presents for her and her son on her doorstep. And on Christmas Day against my better judgment I sent her a private Facebook message that simply said Merry Christmas. This resulted in her calling me a psycho for possibly poisoning her food, and a threat to call the police if I ever came near her or contacted her again. She then blocked me on Facebook too.

I have been blocked and unblocked quite a few times in our five-year relationship. It really isn't necessary because I don't try to contact her when we break up, but I imagine it makes her feel better to give me a communicative slap in the face.

After a couple of weeks of NC she sent me a text asking for some textbooks of hers that I had. I kept my response minimal and to the point and later left her books on her doorstep.

A few days later she contacted me again asking if I would stay with her son while she went to work in the evening. I agreed to do that, and have ended up staying there several nights to help out.

Holidays are rough for her, and I understand with the added aggravating factors her increased emotional responses.

She is back to baseline now but I am struggling with wanting to Jade.

She is acting like everything is back to normal and has not addressed our break up or her accusations of me doing something to harm her. It's the latter that is bothering me the most.

I could just sweep this under the rug, pretend that it didn't happen. Forget that I spent the holidays alone in grief without the support from the woman I love.

I try to remind myself that she is not capable of that kind of emotional support. But there is this nagging little voice behind my ear that says I'm once again making excuses for her.

If I bring things back up it will be like putting a stick back in the hornets nest. I don't see anything positive coming from such a conversation other than I might feel better... .but she will then feel worse.

From past experience she won't be able to put herself in my place or see things from my point of view.

I suppose I should just be thankful the holidays are over and keep moving forward.

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