How will the bad be if this is the good?

[whitebackatcha]

Beginning a slow recycle with exBPDgf. She initiated after I refused to chase. I have boundaries I didn't have before, and she seems to be responding to that. In the past, when I was painted white, everything was great. It was a form of denial on my part. Then I was eventually painted black, and was hurt all over again.

This time, I have expressed my feelings, haven't tried to appease her or ignore the difficulties. We have both had very direct communication about issues and feelings. She has been asking how I feel about things, and has been respectful of what I have told her. I feel heard. None of it is frenzied reconnection or idealization. When she has been triggered, I have validated, and we have moved on. I'm honestly shocked at how functional this all seems.

Is this typical? If she is capable of all of this, should I still assume the lows will be like they were before? I understand if someone doesn't have good communication skills, and has little self awareness, how things can get difficult. This largely doesn't describe her right now.

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[waverider]

As you learn how better to deal with this you will have more calm times, the swings wont be as great, as often, but they will still happen from time to time. She is still the same person with the same triggers, the difference is you wont tread on them as often, or as heavily.

Much of it is related to stress and anxiety levels, which often will be out of your control.