Needs help with patience

[wundress]

I have literally felt at the end of my tether all day today. My wife and daughter have tried my patience terribly. Thing is, I can excuse much of my daughter's behaviour because she is 5.

My wife woke up grumpy, she fell asleep again for a few hours, I let her sleep in the hope she would be less grumpy.  She woke up just as grumpy.

Literally every word she has said today was snappy and snarling. She was horrible and aggressive towards our daughter and getting into petty squabbles with her. I tried to intervene and got called names.

In turn my daughter started arguing back and started getting rude. When she knows my wife is in one of her moods my daughter plays on it and winds my wife up even more.

I have been very good at diffusing situations lately but today my patience was severely tested and I felt on a knife edge. Then I start wondering if our relationship is worth it when I feel I have to do the job of two parents in relation to our daughter AND feel like I am parenting my wife. In return I get shouted at, called names etc. All I want is a bit of peace!

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[Jessica84]

I'm sorry you have to deal with this.   All any of us want is peace!

As you said, you can excuse your daughter's behavior because she is only 5. Your wife may have an emotional age of even younger than that. I adjust my responses according to the age my bf is acting. When he acts out I try to see him as a toddler having a tantrum. This sometimes brings me inner peace. I can de-personalize it a bit. I wouldn't talk to a small child the same as I would an adult. Find what might be driving the behavior, validate their feelings. This can often return them to an adult age again. If not, disengage. Take a walk, do something else. Try again later.

Of course, easier said than done. When you're getting blamed, accused or name-called, it can be very difficult to see a toddler who looks somewhat like the grownup woman you married. I know it's hard. Sometimes all I see is a grown man behaving badly.

[Cat Familiar]

I'm sorry you are dealing with this.   

No good advice to offer as I'm often in the same boat with much less provocation. It gets old having to stuff the nasty comebacks. Sometimes I will flip off my husband with my hand in my pocket. Childish, but it makes me feel better temporarily.