Home page of BPDFamily.com, online relationship supportMember registration here
March 29, 2024, 10:30:25 AM *
Welcome, Guest. Please login or register.

Login with username, password and session length
Board Admins: Kells76, Once Removed, Turkish
Senior Ambassadors: Cat Familiar, EyesUp, SinisterComplex
  Help!   Boards   Please Donate Login to Post New?--Click here to register  
bing
Near or in break-up mode?
What Does it Take to Be in a Relationship
Is Your Relationship Breaking Down?
Escaping Conflict and the Karpman Drama Triangle
Emotional Blackmail: Fear, Obligation and Guilt (FOG)
95
Pages: 1   Go Down
  Print  
Author Topic: The Cilantro Delusion  (Read 521 times)
flourdust
********
Offline Offline

Gender: Male
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Relationship status: In the process of divorce after 12 year marriage
Posts: 1663



« on: January 19, 2016, 08:38:32 AM »

"The Cilantro Delusion." It sounds like the title of a Big Bang Theory episode.

Big dysregulation from my wife at dinner the other night -- at one point, she walked up to me while I was sitting at the table and screamed right into my face. I took my plate and left.

I had made coleslaw. And from upstairs, I could hear my wife complaining that her most hated food -- cilantro -- was in the coleslaw, and then enlisting my daughter into searching the kitchen to uncover evidence that I had used it.

Well, I hadn't. I had taken a bottle of coleslaw dressing - the same brand we had been using for a decade, mixed it with a sealed bag of broccoli slaw (broccoli, cabbage, carrots), and added dried spices: celery seed, mustard powder, tarragon, black pepper. The same way I've been making this for ages.

The next day, my wife confronted me. She wasn't dysregulated at the time, but she wanted me to know I had somehow put cilantro in the coleslaw. I said that I hadn't, and she said I must have. So, I apologized for accidentally doing something that I knew was impossible.

There are only four options here.

1. The cilantro walked out of the fridge, chopped itself, and mixed itself into the coleslaw.

2. The sealed bag of broccoli slaw was contaminated with a very small amount of cilantro.

3. My wife is imagining things.

4. I have a second personality that takes over, sabotages dinner, and then wipes my memory of it.

My money is on option 3, with a slight possibility of option 2. My wife is absolutely, positively certain that option 4 is in play, no other option is viable, and therefore I must accept blame.

This is a humorous story, but I'm actually worried -- is this an early warning sign of a psychotic break? This was a delusional episode.
Logged

PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES
This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members may appear frustrated but they are here for constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

globalnomad
***
Offline Offline

What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Romantic partner
Posts: 209


« Reply #1 on: January 19, 2016, 10:29:42 AM »

Just saying, but I wouldn't be so quick to rule out Theory 1. Cilantro is a crafty beast

I had a good laugh at this post, although I imagine it's one of those "i don't know whether to laugh or cry" type things.

On a more serious note, maybe it's a case of cross contamination from the smell of cilantro in the fridge?
Logged
flourdust
********
Offline Offline

Gender: Male
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Relationship status: In the process of divorce after 12 year marriage
Posts: 1663



« Reply #2 on: January 19, 2016, 10:38:34 AM »

Just saying, but I wouldn't be so quick to rule out Theory 1. Cilantro is a crafty beast

I had a good laugh at this post, although I imagine it's one of those "i don't know whether to laugh or cry" type things.

On a more serious note, maybe it's a case of cross contamination from the smell of cilantro in the fridge?

The cilantro was in a sealed ziplock bag; the coleslaw was in its own sealed plastic bag straight from the grocery store. Got me. 
Logged

globalnomad
***
Offline Offline

What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Romantic partner
Posts: 209


« Reply #3 on: January 19, 2016, 10:58:40 AM »

Aaah, the mystery deepens... .

One thing I have noticed with my BPD partner is that if she is even mildly dysregulated strange things happen to her perception of taste.

We can go to her favorite restaurant and order the same dish we've ordered 12 times before. She will insist the same dish that she loved the previous time tastes awful this time, because they forgot to put salt in it, they put CILANTRO in it this time, they overcooked it, and so on. Yet it tastes EXACTLY the same to me. This has happened enough times (including with coffee and other items) that I have also wondered if it's delusional.

I guess this is just another variation of how when something is amiss with the pwBPD's internal emotional balance, they start looking for external facts to explain the difficult emotions. This sometimes involves rewriting history or "facts" as we see them.
Logged
DreamGirl
Retired Staff
*
Offline Offline

What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Romantic partner’s ex
Posts: 4015


Do. Or do not. There is no try.


« Reply #4 on: January 19, 2016, 11:38:00 AM »

I hate cilantro too. 

I also have a heightened sense of smell, sound, taste when I'm emotionally charged (which is a lot --- I'm ADD).

The sound of chewing can have me so worked up I have to take a walk. Where the day before, when I was calm, chewing potato chips in my face wouldn't have mattered.

I say this because I don't think it's the cilantro. Smiling (click to insert in post)

What lead up to the screaming in the face?
Logged

  "What I want is what I've not got, and what I need is all around me." ~Dave Matthews

flourdust
********
Offline Offline

Gender: Male
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Relationship status: In the process of divorce after 12 year marriage
Posts: 1663



« Reply #5 on: January 19, 2016, 12:14:24 PM »

Interesting -- I hadn't thought that heightened emotions could distort her perceptions, but I guess it makes sense. She often hears things that weren't said, so why not taste things that aren't there?

As for what led up to the screaming -- eh, I didn't want to give yet another tiresome blow by blow. I wrote up a humorous version of it in another thread:

I'm sorry that I told you dinner was ready when it was ready. I can see how confusing that was, because you didn't know dinner was ready, so to be told something you did not know -- well, only a controlling ass like myself would do something like that. Then I was incredibly mean to tell you to come to dinner when you were ready, because you rightfully needed another ten to twenty minutes to forcefully explain to me my awfulness. How am I going to learn what an ass I am if I don't pay close attention to these lessons? It must be frustrating to have someone so ungrateful as me as a husband. And I added insult to injury by asking you what you wanted to drink! Our daughter had already asked you what you wanted to drink, and we were both so thoughtless as to not debrief on our conversations with each other before speaking with you. I understand that it is important that we coordinate all of our words and actions closely so as not to subject you to any ludicrous duplication of our so-called "thoughtful gestures." (Thoughtful? Ha! If we were thoughtful, we would know what you want and not have to bother you by asking impertinent questions.)

When you did lovingly stomp to the table, you understandably needed to use your maximum volume to tell me that my behavior was wrong. How else can you be sure I will hear and understand you if any decibels are left unused? When I didn't answer you within 1/4 second, you thoughtfully came right up to my face to scream insightful questions that helped me reflect on my personal growth, such as "HOW DO YOU LIKE IT?" It seems that I don't like it very much, and that's something I need to work on. I will do my best to learn to like, no love it. And I'll try to get our ten year old daughter to love it, too, so she'll stop all that distracting crying.
Logged

DreamGirl
Retired Staff
*
Offline Offline

What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Romantic partner’s ex
Posts: 4015


Do. Or do not. There is no try.


« Reply #6 on: January 19, 2016, 12:21:52 PM »

Did you interrupt her? Why was she so upset?
Logged

  "What I want is what I've not got, and what I need is all around me." ~Dave Matthews

flourdust
********
Offline Offline

Gender: Male
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Relationship status: In the process of divorce after 12 year marriage
Posts: 1663



« Reply #7 on: January 19, 2016, 12:33:54 PM »

Did you interrupt her? Why was she so upset?

I was preparing dinner. I was grinding beef to make hamburgers, and the grinder wasn't working very well -- it kept coming loose and making quite a racket by knocking things over. I think my wife was getting stressed out by the noise and went into the bedroom. This was also the night before I met with her DBT counselor to discuss progress in her program, and I know she had anxiety about that.

Dinner was finally ready, and I sent my daughter in to ask what my wife wanted to drink. My wife has a ... .tactic? habit? ... .where she'll challenge the veracity of any question or comment by saying she doesn't understand how that could be true. These can be very odd. So she challenged my daughter by saying she didn't understand how dinner could be ready. My daughter came out and reported this to me. I went in and repeated that dinner was ready. She said that she didn't understand how dinner could be ready when I was just grinding meat a few minutes ago. I responded (probably somewhat impatiently) that burgers don't take long to cook, and now they are done, and what would she like to drink?

She then started going off on a tangent, as she does. She began to complain that I had come in and interrupted her, and she wasn't ready, and -- well, I felt she was starting to wind up to a long monologue. I cut her off and told her to take the time she needed and come out when she was ready. She hates when I walk away, but I do it so as not to be held hostage to her monologues.

A few minutes later, she showed up at the dinner table, screaming at me.
Logged

Eyeamme
****
Offline Offline

What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Child
Posts: 261


« Reply #8 on: January 19, 2016, 12:50:20 PM »

I am sorry. No one deserves this. Give and get an extra hug from your daughter.
Logged
DreamGirl
Retired Staff
*
Offline Offline

What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Romantic partner’s ex
Posts: 4015


Do. Or do not. There is no try.


« Reply #9 on: January 19, 2016, 01:21:20 PM »

For me, the single most helpful tool I've found is in part due to acceptance. I don't take her personally. It's a "that's her being her".  It helps my stepdaughters too -- understand that mom's sometimes a bit on the irrational side. They often chalk up her most stressed out moments "mom must have PMS".

From The Do's and Don'ts (click here)

Excerpt
Accept the Role of "Emotional Caretaker": According to Kraft Goin MD (University of Southern California), "borderlines need a person who is a constant, continuing, empathic force in their lives; someone who can listen and handle being the target of intense rage and idealization while concurrently defining limits and boundaries with firmness and candor".  To be in this type of relationship, you must accept the role as emotional caretaker - consistently staying above it.  

~ Maintaining routine and structure

~ Setting and maintain boundaries

~ Being empathetic, building trust, even in difficult times

~ Don’t tolerate abusive treatment, threats and ultimatums

~ In crisis, stay calm, don’t get defensive, don't take it personally

~ Don’t protect them from natural consequences of their actions - let them fail

~ Self-Destructive acts/threats require action

It does suck being interrupted. If I'm hyper-focused at work and a co-worker interrupts me with an otherwise welcomed task, I can have fantasies of throwing coffee cups. Smiling (click to insert in post)

It's exhausting for me to maintain self control sometimes when stress has taken over. And with my own impulse control issues with my ADD, I have a level of understanding in just how hard that is for a pwBPD ---- who really, really struggles with stress.  

I throw that out there because I know you're using humor to help with the resentment. I also know that you can see that your wife is really struggling and you're trying to help your family. Sometimes that takes a lot of acceptance and realizing that there are going to be times that she's going to be a raving lunatic over things like cilantro.  Smiling (click to insert in post)

It also sounds like there's some invalidation going on from your end. It sucks being interrupted. Cilantro sucks. Being borderline sucks.

Gottman often says that what separates the success of a marriage is not so much about resolving the conflict (sometimes we are just never going to agree) but more about the recovery from conflict.

I'm pretty sure I didn't put cilantro in the potato salad --- but man if I inadvertently did I'm sorry. I know how much you hate it.


Logged

  "What I want is what I've not got, and what I need is all around me." ~Dave Matthews

ColdEthyl
********
Offline Offline

Gender: Female
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Romantic partner
Relationship status: Married 2 years
Posts: 1277


« Reply #10 on: January 19, 2016, 01:34:21 PM »

I'm really... .really... .really glad this doesn't just happen to me. I'm sorry for you, hun, but happy to not be alone Laugh out loud (click to insert in post)

Honestly, I have most of the time when my H does things like this, he's usually already in an agitated state. Often, he has no idea why he's agitated.
Logged
sweetheart
*******
Offline Offline

Gender: Female
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Romantic partner
Relationship status: Married, together 11 years. Not living together since June 2017, but still in a relationship.
Posts: 1235



« Reply #11 on: January 19, 2016, 01:48:30 PM »

Gottman often says that what separates the success of a marriage is not so much about resolving the conflict (sometimes we are just never going to agree) but more about the recovery from conflict.  Thought  Doing the right thing (click to insert in post)

DreamGirl I'm going to take this and frame it ( but somewhere only I can see it  Smiling (click to insert in post) ) really resonates with me at the moment. Thanks for that. I'm going to pilfer it from you as well and use it again on here from time to time.

Flourdust I have had a hard time letting go of responses and using ones that for a while felt like I was giving my dBPDh a free pass to being abusive. Validation did not come naturally to me for ages, especially amidst being shouted at up close and personal.

My h had a horrendous dysregulation last night, then withdrawal and ST. This morning after the school run I could sense it was going to carry on.

It still takes a lot of effort to not let feeling upset taint my next interaction with him. So instead, I said, ' I can see you're still angry with me... .' which he confirmed with hostility, but he was ready to allow me in and we were able to move forward by me asking a couple of validating questions ( my new skill  Laugh out loud (click to insert in post) ), but they worked.

My h went through a phase of believing all his food was poisoned, I was in someway to blame for these persecutory beliefs that bordered on dissociation. This was during a time he was at his most unwell. From reading your posts, your w is v unwell at the moment, and I understand how hard it is to live with that level of illness, especially having to run interference for your daughter as well.
Logged

TheRealJongoBong
****
Offline Offline

Gender: Male
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Romantic partner
Relationship status: married
Posts: 267



« Reply #12 on: January 19, 2016, 01:54:40 PM »

Definitely option 4. You have a secret personality that does things to your wife from pure spite. At least that's my wife's opinion about me.

Yes, your wife is getting close to delusional. My wife does this when she starts to get stressed.The stress feeds the delusion, the delusion feeds the stress, then... .good times.
Logged
Cat Familiar
Senior Ambassador
*
Offline Offline

Gender: Female
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Romantic partner
Posts: 7480



« Reply #13 on: January 19, 2016, 02:22:53 PM »

My husband hates, hates, hates cilantro but somehow he tolerates it in Mexican food. He also hates green beans, jicama, cucumber and several other vegetables, but not with as much passion. All these veggies have traumatic memories tied to them that he relives as though he was once again eight years old. I've heard probably a dozen times the story about being given only a cucumber for lunch when he was on a British school rowing trip.

I've also read that some people have far more taste receptors and wondered if his extreme food dislikes are related to that. Also when he's in a bad mood, he can discern weird flavors in food that won't be there when he eats the same food again. It's very frustrating as the cook when he hates the soup one night and then, a month later, when I thaw out more soup from the freezer, he will rave about it. I guess it's black and white thinking and the soup is the innocent victim.
Logged

“The Four Agreements  1. Be impeccable with your word.  2. Don’t take anything personally.  3. Don’t make assumptions.  4. Always do your best. ”     ― Miguel Ruiz, The Four Agreements: A Practical Guide to Personal Freedom
ColdEthyl
********
Offline Offline

Gender: Female
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Romantic partner
Relationship status: Married 2 years
Posts: 1277


« Reply #14 on: January 19, 2016, 02:25:05 PM »

My husband hates, hates, hates cilantro but somehow he tolerates it in Mexican food. He also hates green beans, jicama, cucumber and several other vegetables, but not with as much passion. All these veggies have traumatic memories tied to them that he relives as though he was once again eight years old. I've heard probably a dozen times the story about being given only a cucumber for lunch when he was on a British school rowing trip.

I've also read that some people have far more taste receptors and wondered if his extreme food dislikes are related to that. Also when he's in a bad mood, he can discern weird flavors in food that won't be there when he eats the same food again. It's very frustrating as the cook when he hates the soup one night and then, a month later, when I thaw out more soup from the freezer, he will rave about it. I guess it's black and white thinking and the soup is the innocent victim.

I've cooked something to the same way for years, but the second he saw how I did something that wasn't the way he would have... .it 'tasted funny' afterwards.
Logged
TheRealJongoBong
****
Offline Offline

Gender: Male
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Romantic partner
Relationship status: married
Posts: 267



« Reply #15 on: January 19, 2016, 04:25:22 PM »

Excerpt
Also when he's in a bad mood, he can discern weird flavors in food that won't be there when he eats the same food again.

Not quite the same, but my wife will start to smell things that aren't there. Only bad things, though, never good. It's almost funny to me that this happens because ordinarily she doesn't have a very good sense of smell.
Logged
ColdEthyl
********
Offline Offline

Gender: Female
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Romantic partner
Relationship status: Married 2 years
Posts: 1277


« Reply #16 on: January 19, 2016, 05:18:05 PM »

Excerpt
Also when he's in a bad mood, he can discern weird flavors in food that won't be there when he eats the same food again.

Not quite the same, but my wife will start to smell things that aren't there. Only bad things, though, never good. It's almost funny to me that this happens because ordinarily she doesn't have a very good sense of smell.

Husband claims to smell mold everywhere. If he *thinks* the laundry was left wet in the washer too long, he *smells* mold in the clothes. He has a superhuman sense of smell and sight, to hear him talk about it.

Honestly... .he might not be wrong. pwBPD are more "keyed in" in a lot of areas... .maybe all senses?
Logged
Jessica84
******
Offline Offline

Gender: Female
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Romantic partner
Posts: 940


« Reply #17 on: January 19, 2016, 06:13:50 PM »

Flourdust - This really made me laugh. I think your sense of humor is your saving grace. Sometimes it's better to laugh at these weirdnesses than to wallow in them. CatFamiliar says she flips her husband the bird in her pocket.  Laugh out loud (click to insert in post) I chant "not my monkeys, not my circus" in my head, often - another CatF trick that has saved me countless times from taking the trip to Crazytown! Or coming up with cilantro conspiracy theories. Hey, whatever works.

Still important to validate, but then move on quickly if it's a topic not to be taken too seriously. Unless your wife has a severe allergy, cilantro isn't a matter of life and death.

This looks like a great example:

I'm pretty sure I didn't put cilantro in the potato salad --- but man if I inadvertently did I'm sorry. I know how much you hate it.

Logged

Verbena
*****
Offline Offline

What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Romantic partner
Posts: 605


« Reply #18 on: January 19, 2016, 07:28:41 PM »

My husband also smells things that aren't there.  Twice in the last few months he has charged out  of his room looking like a wild man saying some awful smell woke him up and demanding to know what it is.  Both times I have had no idea what he was talking about.  He also screamed out the F word in his sleep a few months backHe  very rarely uses four-letter words and I had NEVER heard him say the F word in the nearly 34 years I have known him.  Of course, he says it didn't happen.

He grew up pretty much eating only hamburgers.  His mother was a terrible cook, and he had never heard of many, many dishes that most people eat.  He will love something I cook and then suddenly act as if he's never had it before.  There's no convincing him that he has eaten it many times and liked it.  It never happened in his mind. 
Logged
EmotionalWarfare

*
Offline Offline

Gender: Male
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Romantic partner
Relationship status: married
Posts: 45



« Reply #19 on: January 20, 2016, 03:20:07 PM »

My gosh this thread made me chuckle as I could relate to so many of these peculiar idiosyncrasies.  My uBPDw does this too.  She used the same toothpaste for years, then all of a sudden it was terrible.  It was making her gums peel.  "Why did you buy this for me?  You know I can't use blue toothpaste?"  What the heck?  I responded "I guess I forgot.  I'm sorry babe.  What color would you like for me to buy next time?"  I did so laughing inside at the ridiculous nature of the ailment and accusation. 

At times she'll go on a rant swearing I'm putting dirty dishes in the cabinets.  She says she can smell fish in all the glasses.  She tries to enlist my daughters but she's the only one experiencing this.

For years she has ate one whole wheat bagel with a small amount of peanut butter on it before work.  She would often all of a sudden develop a dislike for whatever brand of peanut butter I had bought.  The funniest and most memorable reason sited was, "I hate Skippy.  Gross!  Don't buy that anymore!"  But her reason made me fall out of my chair laughing.  She said "it tastes to peanutty!"  I said... ."you're right dear, they probably put too many peanuts in their peanut butter."

LMAO!  This went on and on with Jiff, Peter Pan, etc, etc.  I finally, just for fun, started putting our peanut butter in a plain unmarked container.  Often the complaints still came but with no merit and were very inconsistent, even with the same peanut butter.  She'd swear I changed brands.  Or I would tell her I replaced it when I had not.  It was kind of a little joke for me and my 2 daughters for a bit to see mom's reaction to the peanut butter taste.  It helped us cope to laugh a lil bit.  But she's moved on to rolled oats now in the morning.

It is definitely no easy task to live with them.  We've had similar like/ dislikes of laundry detergents, softness, etc.  Too funny... .take good care everyone!
Logged
globalnomad
***
Offline Offline

What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Romantic partner
Posts: 209


« Reply #20 on: January 20, 2016, 04:03:37 PM »

LMAO!  This went on and on with Jiff, Peter Pan, etc, etc.  I finally, just for fun, started putting our peanut butter in a plain unmarked container.  Often the complaints still came but with no merit and were very inconsistent, even with the same peanut butter.  She'd swear I changed brands.  Or I would tell her I replaced it when I had not.  It was kind of a little joke for me and my 2 daughters for a bit to see mom's reaction to the peanut butter taste.  It helped us cope to laugh a lil bit.  But she's moved on to rolled oats now in the morning.

You cracked me up with the rolled oats comment at the end. Hilarious! By the way, I nominate "The Cilantro Delusion" as the best title of a thread ever Smiling (click to insert in post)
Logged
EmotionalWarfare

*
Offline Offline

Gender: Male
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Romantic partner
Relationship status: married
Posts: 45



« Reply #21 on: January 20, 2016, 04:17:16 PM »

I agree Global

The title really sparked personal interest for me.  My wife is the opposite tho.  She LOVES her some cilantro.  Nobody will eat in the rare event that she actually cooks if it has any cilantro in it.  I mean insane amounts on salads, burritos, whatever.  I like cilantro but not like a mouthful of it.  She says it tastes so fresh and clean.  I large quantities the way she shovels it in?  I disagree.  Just another one of those crazy little things that makes me wonder what makes her the way she is.
Logged
Sunfl0wer
`
********
Offline Offline

Gender: Female
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Relationship status: He moved out mid March
Posts: 2583



« Reply #22 on: January 20, 2016, 05:00:06 PM »

Ok... .I have to admit to something... .

Excerpt
At times she'll go on a rant swearing I'm putting dirty dishes in the cabinets.  She says she can smell fish in all the glasses.  She tries to enlist my daughters but she's the only one experiencing this.

I have this issue too!  It freaks me out!  Glasses that have come straight from the dishwasher smell faintly of fish!  I have smelled glasses at other peoples house freshly cleaned too and the same thing, they smell fishy!

So, I am thinking it must be EmotionalWarfare that has snuck into my home and fished them up too!  

I also am allergic to mold, and can detect mold before others notice.

So I wonder if it is my chemical sensitivity issues?  Or maybe there is some vitamin deficiency or personal chemical make up of mine and your SO that causes us to smell things differently or more acutely than others?

I have PTSD, and am aware that my nervous system is heightened for danger... .uh... .so mold counts!  

 But not sure the merit for dangers of drinking out of fishy cups.  The fishy cup smell does drive me nuts, but since I smell it so often and at different houses... .I just resigned myself to ignore it and kinda hold my breath, or exhale drinking until I can eventually tune it out and 'forget.'

Edit: forgot to mention... .I also have the toothpaste issue.  I actually forgot which brand/tyoe makes the inside of my gums and cheek peel.  I literally can spit out strands of like the top layer of my cheeks as it sheds it off.  I actually called the company to find out why... .but it was years ago, I forget.  I think it was a highly multi feature paste that does whitening, breath stuff, flavor crystals, etc.  I don't remember exactly it was just a type that had a zillion 'features.'  The company did identify the chemical/feature for me at the time but I have since forgotten.
Logged

How wrong it is for a woman to expect the man to build the world she wants, rather than to create it herself.~Anais Nin
EmotionalWarfare

*
Offline Offline

Gender: Male
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Romantic partner
Relationship status: married
Posts: 45



« Reply #23 on: January 20, 2016, 05:16:45 PM »

Watch the news Sunflower.

I think the authorities are onto me.  I'm traveling across the states "fishing" up peoples glasses!  I'm trying to come up with a catchy name for my capture.  Maybe "The low tide bandit"?  Because the fish smell kind of resembles low tide... .Laugh out loud (click to insert in post).  Too funny.

We had the one toothpaste a couple years back that made our mouths sloth skin too.  But this was not happening this time she complained.  It was a one day thing just a couple weeks ago.  All of a sudden rant about the toothpaste causing skin sloth.  But she continued using it the next day with no recollection of this or any other mention of problems.  She also does not show any sign of inner mouth problems.  When she has a real ailment, you know.  Trust me, she lets everyone know.  She wants you to take pictures so that she can get a better look at it.  Because she can't verbally complain if her mouth is open to look at it.  So take a picture so I'm free to rant... .he he he
Logged
Icthelight
**
Offline Offline

Gender: Male
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Romantic partner
Posts: 78


« Reply #24 on: January 20, 2016, 08:01:42 PM »

Hey Sunflower, how do you feel about Skippy Peanut Butter?

Emotionalwarfare, if she says she hates it, run, I think Sunflower is your wife Smiling (click to insert in post)

Hey, Flourdust, you sound like you're a great cook. Hang in there.
Logged
flourdust
********
Offline Offline

Gender: Male
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Relationship status: In the process of divorce after 12 year marriage
Posts: 1663



« Reply #25 on: January 20, 2016, 08:06:52 PM »

Hey, Flourdust, you sound like you're a great cook. Hang in there.

I'm glad this thread is providing some entertainment!

I enjoy cooking, and I'm pretty decent at it. Putting a good meal on the table for my family brings me a lot of satisfaction. Sadly, the dinner table has become yet another arena in our house, but I still enjoy my time cooking.
Logged

Sunfl0wer
`
********
Offline Offline

Gender: Female
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Relationship status: He moved out mid March
Posts: 2583



« Reply #26 on: January 20, 2016, 08:58:31 PM »

Idk EW, your name alone makes me suspicious, I will double lock the house up tonight in case.  . Btw... .the smell is more fish like... .less ocean like.  Low tide won't cut it... .humm... .I don't have a witty substitute. :/

Hey Sunflower, how do you feel about Skippy Peanut Butter?

Emotionalwarfare, if she says she hates it, run, I think Sunflower is your wife Smiling (click to insert in post)

Hey, Flourdust, you sound like you're a great cook. Hang in there.

I actually don't eat much peanut butter because peanuts have mold!

LMAO!
Logged

How wrong it is for a woman to expect the man to build the world she wants, rather than to create it herself.~Anais Nin
Caley
***
Offline Offline

What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Romantic partner
Posts: 154


« Reply #27 on: January 21, 2016, 03:53:23 AM »

So, I apologized for accidentally doing something that I knew was impossible.

Thanks for the recipe ... Sounds delicious ... !

I would say that apologising for something you haven't done is a trap. I understand why you would (to stop the BS and restore peace), however, consider this ...

By apologising you have given her the excuse that she needed to justify raging at you and reinforced the behaviour. She gets angry and vents, you apologise, her anger is justified and she doesn't need to address her issues. Slam Dunk ... !

If you were to state the truth, and state it only once, you validate your reality and set down your marker. She will not believe you (of course) but you remain grounded in your own reality and not in her erroneous one. You then politely remove yourself from the situation and leave her to settle down, on her own, without having a target to vent at. If she follows you, to further escalate, you assertively state that you are not prepared to have a conversation that is infused with anger (angry interactions rarely get to a solution ... so wait until she settles).

When she is back to a reasonable mindset you could even suggest that you make the Cole Slaw together ... using the same ingredients ... and if she can still taste cilantro (coriander) ... then it will not be down to being 'your fault' or that you are secretly trying to drive her mad (because she already is).

You could then take this time to explore what it really is that's upset/upsetting her ... but watch out for further manipulation ... such as guilt tripping, projection, gas lighting etc., ... eventually she'll love bomb you again and then it'll be time to repeat the whole cycle again on some other issue that plagues her world and sense of free entitlement.

Alternatively, you could bash her over the head with a very large wooden mallet. Unfortunately, taking this kind of action will probably see you spending a night or two in the local cells ... .but hey, she gets to play the victim ... .AGAIN ... !

Best of luck.
Logged
EmotionalWarfare

*
Offline Offline

Gender: Male
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Romantic partner
Relationship status: married
Posts: 45



« Reply #28 on: January 21, 2016, 07:45:59 AM »

I'm now horrified!  LMAO!  I'm venting to my wife?  YIKES!

Icthelight!  (you too global) You crack me up!  I think one of the best things we can do for ourselves as caretakers is maintain our sense of humor.  The laughter we have shared here the last few days has been very therapeutic for me.  Thanks!
Logged
Can You Help Us Stay on the Air in 2024?

Pages: 1   Go Up
  Print  
 
Jump to:  

Our 2023 Financial Sponsors
We are all appreciative of the members who provide the funding to keep BPDFamily on the air.
12years
alterK
AskingWhy
At Bay
Cat Familiar
CoherentMoose
drained1996
EZEarache
Flora and Fauna
ForeverDad
Gemsforeyes
Goldcrest
Harri
healthfreedom4s
hope2727
khibomsis
Lemon Squeezy
Memorial Donation (4)
Methos
Methuen
Mommydoc
Mutt
P.F.Change
Penumbra66
Red22
Rev
SamwizeGamgee
Skip
Swimmy55
Tartan Pants
Turkish
whirlpoollife



Powered by MySQL Powered by PHP Powered by SMF 1.1.21 | SMF © 2006-2020, Simple Machines Valid XHTML 1.0! Valid CSS!