I knew it was coming just didnt know when

[SurfNTurf]

Hi All,

Its been 2 months since my last post when i shared my uBPD husb had been regulating fairly well.

Dec 24th i had a small heart attack, but i have also an autoimmune disorder and the specialists want me to reduce my work hours. Permanently.

UBPDhusb thought this a great idea, but as we progress on this journey he is dysregulating alot. Like, multiple times daily. He is again hypercritical of me, wants tohover and tell me what to do and is now sulking in garage bc today, horror of horrors, i had the audacity to move his vehicle from one side of the driveway to the other!

I have been the breadwinner inour marriage, it makes me nervous to think i have to be dependent onhim bdue to my health. 

Icontinue to practice my tools; i walk away from his rants, i dont take his bait. But his tantrums are escalating and not good for my recuperating heart. I have nofamily nearby, and havent made many friends bc of him.

Argh. Just want to get in the car and drive back to my home state

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[Dexie]

my opinion would be for you to look after yourself, if you stay, you may not be around, so in the end he wouldn't have anybody anyway

[Cat Familiar]

I'm so sorry you're not only dealing with a health crisis, but also with your husband's dysregulations.   

Undoubtedly he's afraid of both losing you and losing your income. And of course, he then turns his insecurity on you and acts out. It's so totally counterproductive, but so BPD. 

[SurfNTurf]

Thanks Cat, that is what I thought too. I really had to talk to myself on this, 'His reality is unique to him' and 'He is mentally unhealthy and this is how he is' etc.

My family is visiting from out of town and he has made himself scarce. Its been good to visit with my family without his wierdness around.

I need to start reaching out and exploring ways to make friends out of my work environment.

[Chilibean13]

Sorry to hear about your frustration. Could your husband be stressing about the loss of income or just the change in family dynamics? Could he be feeling pressure now that he is the one providing more for the household? It is scary having to rely on someone who is unstable to provide income for the family. He might also be really scared about the heart attack. Maybe he is scared of losing you. I would suggest trying to address some of the underlying issue for the dysregulations. When he is calm ask him questions about how he feels about the income issue or even about your heart attack.

I went PT a couple years ago. It was during this time that my H began to dysregulate on a regular basis. He also began to get more and more aggressive in his verbal abuse and was getting close to physical abuse. I believe that it was a loss of respect for me. Like you I was the sole provider. I was a professional in my career and when I no longer carried that air of professionalism, I think he lost respect for me. I also think he was angry because he was jealous that I wasn't working FT anymore. He began to come home from work earlier and earlier every day. I finally had to go back to work FT because I just couldn't handle being home for longer periods of time with him. Since I"m back to FT, his dysregulations have gotten better.