Home page of BPDFamily.com, online relationship supportMember registration here
March 29, 2024, 08:19:46 AM *
Welcome, Guest. Please login or register.

Login with username, password and session length
Board Admins: Kells76, Once Removed, Turkish
Senior Ambassadors: Cat Familiar, EyesUp, SinisterComplex
  Help!   Boards   Please Donate Login to Post New?--Click here to register  
bing
Experts share their discoveries [video]
99
Could it be BPD
BPDFamily.com Production
Listening to shame
Brené Brown, PhD
What is BPD?
Blasé Aguirre, MD
What BPD recovery looks like
Documentary
Pages: [1]   Go Down
  Print  
Author Topic: Choice and expectations  (Read 353 times)
Davy
**
Offline Offline

What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Romantic partner
Posts: 88


« on: February 01, 2016, 11:17:00 AM »

Some members have pointed out I should look to myself and what I want and expect out of my current relationship (if you can call it that).

I have a choice. Now that got me thinking in a different way than before.

Let me start with what I'm hoping for. I have to be realistic and understand it wil never be great all the time ( no relationship is) and when dealing with BPD I'm going to have to be very strong to deal with it.

If we can get past our current situation I hope we can have a good relationship and when things take a turn again that I can keep the damage minimal using the skills and tips I learn here.

The events leading to my current situation are largely my own fault I believe. I was totaly invalidating her without realizing it. It drove her away so I'm thinking it might not be so bad next time if I use

the right skills.

If I succeed in making this happen I will have to evaluate the relationship. Does the good outway the bad or not? And that will determine if it is worth it for me or not.

If I decide the good is worth sticking around than I need to ask myself the next questions.

Do I want to marry her? Do I want her to be the mother of my children?

And I have to be honest if I would have to answer those questions right now. The answer would be NO.

I still have some hope and the strength to stick around for a while and find out if we might have a future. She is an amazing woman, unlike any I've ever met.

That is why I cant give up just yet and want to give it another go and see if my answer is the same or not.

I'm just putting down my thoughts here to help me deal with it all but feedback is always welcome.

Have a great day everyone
Logged
PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES
This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members may appear frustrated but they are here for constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

tryingsome
***
Offline Offline

What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Romantic partner
Posts: 240


« Reply #1 on: February 10, 2016, 02:11:45 PM »

Hello Davy,

What state of events have brought your relationship to this point is NOT your fault.

If You have do have to assign blame, it would be equal between you two.


In order for this relationship to work and with the skills you learn here you first have to accept this is NOT your fault. As long as you continue to accept the blame the relationship will be very hard to maintain.  

You have to make sure she is accountable, have good boundaries, and be confident in yourself.

Do these things and the relationship might work. It'll be an uphill battle for a while, but you need to have a peace of mind within yourself.  Best of luck!
Logged
Notwendy
********
Offline Offline

What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Parent
Posts: 10442



« Reply #2 on: February 12, 2016, 07:43:17 AM »

Sometimes I think it is strange that we first look for that attraction, that wow factor in dating, and then consider if this person is someone we want to be the mother/father of our children when both are important.

Ideally, one could have both, but to have both, we have to consider both. So, you've met a woman that for you, sparks fly, and she is amazing, but you don't want to marry her or have her be the mother of your children.

Then there is time. When we are involved emotionally in one relationship, we are not available to another. So, the more time you are involved with this person, the more time you are not available to meet someone who you do wish to marry and raise children with.

You do have a choice. One is to let it go and focus on yourself- and possibly meeting someone else. Or to continue with this one, even if you don't think it is one for the long run. But the longer you stay in this one, the more it becomes the long run.

Choices are not easy, and they can involve some emotional pain. It can hurt to give up on this one, but also by staying you are giving up on an honest assessment you made for yourself.
Logged
Can You Help Us Stay on the Air in 2024?

Pages: [1]   Go Up
  Print  
 
Jump to:  

Our 2023 Financial Sponsors
We are all appreciative of the members who provide the funding to keep BPDFamily on the air.
12years
alterK
AskingWhy
At Bay
Cat Familiar
CoherentMoose
drained1996
EZEarache
Flora and Fauna
ForeverDad
Gemsforeyes
Goldcrest
Harri
healthfreedom4s
hope2727
khibomsis
Lemon Squeezy
Memorial Donation (4)
Methos
Methuen
Mommydoc
Mutt
P.F.Change
Penumbra66
Red22
Rev
SamwizeGamgee
Skip
Swimmy55
Tartan Pants
Turkish
whirlpoollife



Powered by MySQL Powered by PHP Powered by SMF 1.1.21 | SMF © 2006-2020, Simple Machines Valid XHTML 1.0! Valid CSS!