Please help with BPD diagnosis for my wife

[Michael29]

Hello, my counselor told me about BPD that my wife has after months of marriage counseling.  The video on this site is spot on.  Unfortunately, my wife got angry with the counselor and we stopped seeing her before it was revealed to her.   We are now separated after I moved out of our home.  I'm trying to get her treatment before I give up on the marriage for good.  We are now seeing 2 separate counselors.  My counselor thinks I should be the one to tell my wife about the BPD.  I don't think that is a good idea.  I need serious help for her and for our marriage.  What is the best way to confront a spouse about their BPD? 

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[ArleighBurke]

I believe the general consensus is don't tell her!

I have read "Walking on Eggshells" - good book - it also recommends not telling.

But read "The High Conflict Couple" - it's a book designed for couples where one has BPD, but NOWHERE in the book does in mention "BPD" or "therepy". It simply looks like another "marriage self help book" - but it is useful because it walks you though "techniques" to help you (which are actually DBT techniques but it never calls them that.)

[Turkish]

This is the same counselor who saw her? It seems odd that you would be told that. ArleighBurke has a good point about not doing so:

PERSPECTIVES: Telling someone that you think they have BPD

How often do you communicate with her?

T