Issues with sleep during visitation

[Before you can make things better, you have to stop making them worse...]

My D6 has visitation every other weekend with my BPDexw.  The past few weekends, she's returned home noticeably tried.  When I ask her what's going on, D6 claims that she watched TV while exw is asleep.  This isn't surprising as my ex wife did this while married, leaving my daughter to fend for herself.  I also know that my D6 has missed out on Girl Scouts because my ex wife was asleep, and that a decent chunk of the weekends are taken up by my ex wife sleeping.

When I confronted the exw on this, she claimed that my D6 just falls asleep very early and wakes up early.  This does not fit her behavior either during the week no on weekends where I have her.  Usually I have to push her to fall asleep, though she eventually does. 

Now, I'm concerned about the amount of sleep, because she tends to misbehave on the Monday and Tuesday immediately following visitation.  What should I do?

[iluminati]

My D6 has visitation every other weekend with my BPDexw.  The past few weekends, she's returned home noticeably tried.  When I ask her what's going on, D6 claims that she watched TV while exw is asleep.  This isn't surprising as my ex wife did this while married, leaving my daughter to fend for herself.  I also know that my D6 has missed out on Girl Scouts because my ex wife was asleep, and that a decent chunk of the weekends are taken up by my ex wife sleeping.

When I confronted the exw on this, she claimed that my D6 just falls asleep very early and wakes up early.  This does not fit her behavior either during the week no on weekends where I have her.  Usually I have to push her to fall asleep, though she eventually does. 

Now, I'm concerned about the amount of sleep, because she tends to misbehave on the Monday and Tuesday immediately following visitation.  What should I do?

[bravhart1]

What is your normal method of operation if there is a dispute?

Do you have a therapist, parent coordinator, or do you handle between your selves?

I would at least document by writing down the dates, and any proof of poor school behaviour after a sleepless visit with mom. Will the teacher validate your concerns?

[iluminati]

What is your normal method of operation if there is a dispute?

There isn't one.  Nothing has really escalated to this level.  To the extent I complain, I just threaten to go to court, but that's not common.

Do you have a therapist, parent coordinator, or do you handle between your selves?

No, but I probably should have one.

I would at least document by writing down the dates, and any proof of poor school behaviour after a sleepless visit with mom. Will the teacher validate your concerns?

The thing is that the misbehavior is more at home than school.  I can't really ask the teacher to validate something at home.

I will bring up the idea of a go-between for disputes though, and start working out the options.

[Thunderstruck]

We have been having the same issue lately. uBPDbm has been sending SD11 to school Monday mornings exhausted after her weekends. Then when we pick her up and try to go over homework, SD has a complete meltdown.

I think transitions are stressful in general, and that could contribute to the acting out. Plus it's probably difficult readjusting from living at a place where there are few rules to back to having rules and discipline.

When do you get D6 back? Mondays after school? (like x drops her off at school and you pick her up)?

[iluminati]

I do know my D6 doesn't do much other than watch TV and eat pizza.  Heck, my BPD ex wife blows off Girl Scouts from time to time.

In terms of timing the pickups, I drop her off Friday night and pick her up Sunday night around dinner time. The problem is that it's difficult to get her down to bed, as she has no bedtime at her mom's place.  Also, due to the lack of space at her mom's place (she rents an attic room to live in), they sleep in the same bed, while she has her own room and bed with me.  I'm not sure how to get her to sleep faster, as that would wreck my own routine.

[Tobiasfunke]

Melatonin. My 9yo has anxiety . It does the trick for him on school nights .