Coparenting

[JerryRG]

Hello everyone, I have a 22 month old son with a BPD mother. Last 4 years have been "exciting?" I have made a break from her with NC for the last 60 days. Still in a fog as in after an F5 tornado aftermath. I need support and validation as this seems almost surreal. Thank you and I will be back later.

[Turkish]

Hi JerryRG,



What's your custody situation like, and how can we support you?

Turkish

[JerryRG]

Hello, as of about early Oct 2015 I was raising my son alone so mother could get into a drug treatment program. I took 100% care until the middle of Nov while she did nothing but sleep and lay around and ran around late at night. I finally told her that she either get help, go to treatment or whatever because I couldn't live this way any longer. I was taking care of our son and his mother. She demanded so much attention and I was burning out. After she said some very disrespectful things about me on FB I told her GAME OVER! IM DONE!,  changed my phone number and went NC with her. I was so burnt out from the 3 years of hell I told her family if they don't help I'm giving my son into foster care. They decided to help and now I'm getting well so I can care for him. She abandoned him and doesn't care or see him, I don't ask her family what she's doing. She's no longer a part of my concern or my life. She's full blown BPD Waif, Diagnosed bipolar, ADHD, unrecovered drug addict. Her family believe she's using meth again. Down to 100 lbs but she's saying she's got lupus, before that cancer, before that MS, brain tumors, leukemia, on and on with every imaginable illness on earth. My son is safe from her abuse and neglect and I'm slowing getting better. All the horror stories I've read about BPDs are familiar and I have a very difficult time convincing people who have not had this relationship to begin to understand the depths of pain and confusion it causes and how hard it is to stop obsessing about the BPD. Thank God for this site and the support found here.

[Turkish]

It sounds like you and your son are safe. It's tragic how his mom has checked out,.but at least you have the support of her family to help you. I have a 3.5 year old. Though I'm not far removed as a parent, I'm trying to recall how she was at the same age emotionally. How is he doing? What's the legal status regarding you having full custody?

[ForeverDad]

She abandoned him and doesn't care or see him, I don't ask her family what she's doing. She's no longer a part of my concern or my life... .  My son is safe from her abuse and neglect and I'm slowing getting better.

You and your child are safe, that is what is critically important.  Having distance from the pwBPD does help in your recovery.

I have a very difficult time convincing people who have not had this relationship to begin to understand the depths of pain and confusion it causes and how hard it is to stop obsessing about the BPD.

We've all experienced this.  Most people can't fathom how impacting this (often) publicly quiet but personally overwhelming disorder is.  It may not be bad enough for her to be committed or incarcerated but it's also definitely not anywhere near normal.  Maybe insidious is another descriptive word.

[JerryRG]

Our son is doing remarkably well now that he's in a safe nurturing environment, when I had him and his mother was still coming over to visit he would bury his head from her and lunge into my lap to avoid her. I informed her family but they refused to believe me until grandmother witnessed this for herself. I've seen her spank him for wiggling during diaper changes to screaming in his face to shut the f*** up! One night she threw him in his crib and threw his blanket on him and again the shut the f*** up! Lord knows what she did when I wasn't there. Child protection would do nothing. She still has legal custody and this Fed was the first month she hasn't lived off his cs. 450 a month and my son got nothing. Last I heard she's now willing to spend more time with him. We think she's trying to regain the cs check. Her family knows she's sick but they take a very relaxed position when she wants to be with our son. They know he isn't safe but still turn him over to her. I do not have the money to hire a lawyer at this point. My poor son will be damaged if she's allowed to care for him. Ty