Hi cartman1,
Sometimes I feel like I get set up to fail. Like if I complete something it's wrong if I don't do it I should have. Like there is no possible way to do the right thing. I know that sounds stupid but that's how I feel. Like whatever I did, I was supposed to have known to do the opposite.
it is a strange game. The only winning move is not to play.
Seriously. You need to find your own game, play by your rules. Her rules will change all the time. Find yourself. You can not make her happy. Don't try - not worth the effort. Actually it tends to make matters worse as it only provides her with resources to waste and opportunities to put you down.
I just feel fed up of being told how I've been angry and ill tempered when I haven't. This last week I've been told I was in a bad mood but I wasn't. I tried opening conversations but was ignored. I felt like I was being pushed for a reaction but I didn't respond more than saying "Can you not do that. Please?" I got the feeling that she was angry with me but I thought to myself that she is allowed to be angry. I was happy to talk but was not offered the chance. Then I was asked to leave so I did.
She will try to attribute her emotions to the world around her. Called projection and done a lot by pwBPD. There is not point in trying to control emotions of others and in particular pwBPD. Being told you are angry when you are not is invalidating and irritating. Realize this, acknowledge it is painful, realize it is not worth much to get upset and move on. Most likely she is irritating you since she is irritated due to some other factor. PwBPD are experts in transferring their own emotions through invalidation - recognize her SOP and don't fall for it. You could validate and use SET but if you are pissed off due to her clueless talk simply leaving her to stew is a valid option. Bonus: Projection is not working so well when you are not around and she may be force to deal with her worst enemy i.e. herself .
You are with a pwBPD, emotions are more random and all over the place at times. Protect your own and leave her the small dramas she creates - some of them may be needed to work through stuff. It is tempting to be the rock for her helping her to stay steady - won't work. Be the rock that is there for her to crawl on when she is exhausted - much more sustainable and a often more appreciated (since less controlling) role.
The thing I can't stand is the fact that they expect you to put them first and then flip out when you choose to put yourself and your needs first. I can't get used to being told I am liked when I'm nice only to be hated days later for no logical reason when my behaviour and moods have been constant. Like nothing happens but somehow you become hated. I am sick of being told how I am thinking and feeling but what I get told is completely untrue. Honestly, I look at her sometimes and get told not to look at her like I hate her even though I have a blank look on my face.
Maybe show your teeth and snarl
Having a blank look
is hard to decipher particularly when she is governed by fear and anger. If is important for us to maintain balance and avoid extremes - that is our internal stance. But it is equally important for us to be connected to our emotions and to be readable. At times some exaggerated display of emotions can help with communication.