Should I tell my BPD husband about a message from his BPD daughter

[ColdEthyl]

He doesn't like when I keep things from him. He's not going to be happy about that card deal. That was soley on me... .I really didn't want to put BIL in the middle of this junk, so I just tried to handle it and forget about it. Now that it's resurfaced into a bigger mess... .I feel like I should inform him.

All of this would have been just fine if those people would just go away... .but they are not. I feel like I should confess everything, now.

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[formflier]

 

Think through how you would want to do this differently in the future.  Ask him the same question.

What would have happened if you had declined to pass messages and force people to either talk to each other, or not talk at all?

We all make booboos, I certainly have.  Hopefully we can learn from them.

Thoughts?

FF

[ColdEthyl]

Think through how you would want to do this differently in the future.  Ask him the same question.

What would have happened if you had declined to pass messages and force people to either talk to each other... .or not talk at all?

We all make booboos... .I certainly have.  Hopefully we can learn from them.

Thoughts?

FF

How this ended up playing out was he wasn't angry at all. He wasn't happy I did it behind his back, but he was not angry. He did understand my motivations.

In the future, I will not hide stuff like this from him. It's his dish, and he has to eat it.

[ColdEthyl]

UPDATE:

I just received a message from his daughter. A full month after all of this started. I sent the message that my husband wanted. ":)ad says you can call him at any time to get what you need, please stop going through SISTER and BROTHER. You have his number."

Her reply: . I don't need him for anything. Won't waste my time trying to call someone who acts like I don't exist.

... .


She lives in her own world, and makes her own rules I guess.

[formflier]

Her reply: . I don't need him for anything. Won't waste my time trying to call someone who acts like I don't exist.

No need to reply to this.  You sent a clear message.  Let her do with it, what she will.

I'm assuming that you didn't "pick up the bait" about her thinking that her dad doesn't think she exists.

FF

[ColdEthyl]

Her reply: . I don't need him for anything. Won't waste my time trying to call someone who acts like I don't exist.

No need to reply to this.  You sent a clear message.  Let her do with it... what she will.

I'm assuming that you didn't "pick up the bait" about her thinking that her dad doesn't think she exists.

FF

Oh no, not at all. I fully intend on letting my husband decide how he wants that handled. As for me, seeing who she is... .I'd much rather not have a relationship with her. I suppose that's where that whole self-fulfilling prophecy comes in.

Even worse news. Just got of the phone with MIL. Husband's favorite cousin died this morning. Mom was flying in on the 27th of this month and we had planned a BBQ at brother's house. Husband was going early to help cook and everything. Very excited for the family get together and to see mom.

Plans are changing. Mom is trying to come earlier for funeral. We had plans this weekend (my birthday is 20th) to go to the Renaissance Festival. My first one ever I was so excited and husband was taking me. I'm sure this will change everything. I'm not being selfish here... .I fully understand a death has occurred and obviously this is priority, but I'm thinking of how important it was to my husband for him to do this for me.

There's stormy waters ahead in my household. *Puts on Captain cap*

[formflier]

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Oh no, not at all. I fully intend on letting my husband decide how he wants that handled. 

Will you tell him details?  I think you redirected and nothing else.  Likely that is all that is needed to be said.  "Hey, she contact me and I redirected her." 

I wouldn't get into the "he said, she said "

FF

[ColdEthyl]

[

Oh no, not at all. I fully intend on letting my husband decide how he wants that handled. 

Will you tell him details?  I think you redirected and nothing else.  Likely that is all that is needed to be said.  "Hey... she contact me and I redirected her." 

I wouldn't get into the "he said... she said "

FF

I'm actually not going to say any more than that right there. With everything else that has suddenly come up, she is not going to be a priority at all.

[Grey Kitty]

One of my favorite rules when conversing with people this difficult, especially by text/email/chat is this:

If it wasn't a question, I don't have to answer it.

Nothing she said in that message required an answer from either you or your H, so there isn't anything for you to say, or anything for you to tell your H or ask your H.