She had a total meltdown 4 days ago, was hospitalized...

[Lost23]

My BPDxw and I are on good terms and we have 3 kids together. She would sometimes have episodes that lasted a few hours at most, but be 'herself' again the next day. She had a total meltdown 4 days ago, was hospitalized, given medication, and released and she is still not herself. Delusional, paranoid, happy/sad, fidgeting, excessively tired, etc. I've never seen it this bad or for this long and I'm at a loss. I've never seen her like this and I don't know if this is something that happens, or what to do. I'm sorry if this is disjointed. I'm having a tough time with this and looking for answers or help. I'm getting very strange text messages from her today. I haven't come to this board for a while but I feel so lost again, suddenly.

[PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES]

PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members may appear frustrated but they are here for constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[C.Stein]

It is so hard to deal with and understand the melt downs.  It hurts so much to see someone you love in so much pain and not being able to do anything about it.  Has she been diagnosed BPD or any other personality disorder?  There could be a comorbid disorder that is not being addressed here?

[Lost23]

She is diagnosed BPD but nothing else. I have considered comorbid but this is the first time it has lasted this long. Mania and paranoia. Part of me thinks she should be back in the hospital and part of me thinks as long as the mania is more prominent than the paranoia she will come out of it soon. In the meantime, she has the kids in her care and is adamant she can handle that as she always has. I'm torn because I feel disrupting that may cause a further regression but obviously the fears of just turning a blind eye and leaving my children with her while she is in meltdown mode, the depths of which I have never seen from her. On the one hand, the stability and routine could be what brings her out and removing that could push her deeper inside. On the other I don't want to be the idiot that had a million warning signs and did nothing because I was worried.

[Lost23]

I realize also I posted this in the wrong topic/forum but I was in such a daze this morning. I'm exhausted and very worried.

[sweetheart]

Hi Lost23, I'm really sorry, I can hear how worried you are. My h was like your w is on and off for a period of time a few years ago.

What's important if your w is still exhibiting symptoms, then it is important that you stay in close contact and keep an eye on things for your childrens wellbeing.

How are the monitoring arrangements now she is out of hospital, are the mental health team aware that she is going back home to look after 3 children. That's a big responsibility for any parent without mental health issues. When is she being seen, when is her next appointment with her P?

What is the possibility of either you having the kids for a while or moving back in with them while your wife recovers. ( I understand that this may not be an option for you, but if you can it would be good for your children to have a stable parent on hand, they are probably very scared and confused right now ) The important thing to avoid here is your wife breaking down again, even with life carrying on as normal she will be in a fragile state for a while to come. She will need support and monitoring to recover 100%.

How are things today, how are you feeling?

[C.Stein]

In the meantime, she has the kids in her care and is adamant she can handle that as she always has. I'm torn because I feel disrupting that may cause a further regression but obviously the fears of just turning a blind eye and leaving my children with her while she is in meltdown mode, the depths of which I have never seen from her. On the one hand, the stability and routine could be what brings her out and removing that could push her deeper inside. On the other I don't want to be the idiot that had a million warning signs and did nothing because I was worried.

It is tough being in this situation.  I agree that the stability and routine is probably good for her but you are right to be concerned as well.  Has she ever done anything in the past that gives you reason to being more concerned now other than the length of the dysregulation?  You don't need to provide details, this is just a question for you to consider if you need to do something different here.

[Lost23]

I spent a good portion of the last 2 days either with her or with kids, without trying to be intrusive or pushy. As long as it seems like it's just what I want to do and not because it HAS to be, she seems okay, but she gets agitated if she feels like she's being undermined or watched. The 'mental health' team just released her from the hospital saturday and said she was fine, here's some meds, she's an adult. Her next appointment with anyone is over 2 weeks away. I'm trying to balance between me and people in her family spending time with her and/or the kids. Her mother stayed with her last night and everything seemed fine, manic but better. Then she decided late at night she absolutely had to drive somewhere and confront someone (on/off bf w his own bag of issues) and ended up getting lost, losing her car, and getting a ride home with someone. She doesn't have the kids right now and will probably sleep all day. My work schedule (nights) makes it difficult for me to do much with the kids, but I'm by no means tied to the job over that. They/this comes first. If I need to make a change long term in that regard, I will. Right now I'm trying to disrupt as little as possible in all avenues but it's getting exhausting.

Without details, yes I have some concerns about her ability to properly tend to them especially when she is in a state like this. She has been doing quite well for a time, this all seemed to come out of nowhere. I'm sure something triggered it for it to be this deep, but I have no real idea what it is. Today will be... another day...

[C.Stein]

Hang in there man, it will get better eventually.  Would be nice if you could figure out what triggered this so it can be avoided and/or addressed in a constructive manner.