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Author Topic: one step forward, two steps back  (Read 369 times)
placebicstar

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What is your sexual orientation: Gay, lesb
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Romantic partner
Posts: 24


« on: March 21, 2016, 11:52:39 PM »

hello! been a while since i posted here. some things had ended up clearing up  Smiling (click to insert in post) at least for a time anyways.

my partner removed the trigger that kept them going into fits and episodes and has since improved, however they're upset that i never seem angry with them over things they say i should be angry over. they wanted me to stop talking to their trigger, my best friend, which when you're happy and loving both your partner and your best friend (as a friend, no worries) its hard to really say or do anything. i'm not an angry person so i dont know if im being pulled here or what.
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This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members may appear frustrated but they are here for constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

an0ught
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Gender: Male
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Romantic Partner
Relationship status: married
Posts: 5048



« Reply #1 on: March 24, 2016, 05:08:06 PM »

Hi placebicstar,

it is really difficult to know what is going on here. It could be quite different things and possibly a combination of a few.

my partner removed the trigger that kept them going into fits and episodes and has since improved, however they're upset that i never seem angry with them over things they say i should be angry over. they wanted me to stop talking to their trigger, my best friend, which when you're happy and loving both your partner and your best friend (as a friend, no worries) its hard to really say or do anything. i'm not an angry person so i dont know if im being pulled here or what.

1) you are being manipulated. Your partner feels angry and wants you to be angry too. Projection which seems to fall on deaf ears on your side.

This stonewalling of projection is exhausting and invalidating. A better way is to use validation to sling the foreign emotions back. You may need some practice in displaying strong emotions to do that more effectively.

2) you being angry but not feeling it. For whatever reason a disconnect between what you feel deep down and what you acknowledge and is seen by others.

There are many reasons to suppress your own emotions. Not good in the long run. A T may help.

3) you simply not very emotional and/or using weak signals to show emotions.

Practice validation, push your boundaries and explore expressing the stronger end of the spectrum a bit.

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  Writing is self validation. Writing on bpdfamily is self validation squared!
placebicstar

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What is your sexual orientation: Gay, lesb
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Romantic partner
Posts: 24


« Reply #2 on: March 25, 2016, 07:21:21 PM »

Well as it stands right now we've gone 2 days without contacting each other. I'm worried about their mental health but I cant get in touch with them or anyone they know :/

As it stands we're in the limbo of broken-up and not broken-up... .I'm trying to be positive haha.

I'm not an angry person but i guess i often keep my emotions down in myself. Long story short, thats just the way my life put me i guess? I dont know, in the time of our no contact im gonna figure some things out for myself and hope i can help them in the long run.

if they talk to me again and soon i'm going to work hard on my validation.
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