im co-dependent and depressed...and she is probably BPD

[isthisreallife]

i was married young and for a long time... .after divorce i met a woman with undiagnosed BPD... .we have struggled for two years.  now she has been hospitalized and accepts that she has either bipolar or BPD and we both agree it is probably BPD. 

i just found this website and seriously, i feel like what i just read has been my life for the past two years... .im pretty shook up.  idk what to do... .everybody has been saying for the entire time that this relationship is toxic... .but i guess i was fulfilling my codependence or whatever by keeping it going.  now i am sad and scared and overwhelmed... .i don't want to give up on her... .but this seems impossible for ME as a super codependent dude.  is this true? 

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[C.Stein]

Hello,  

The initial light bulb moment can be both a relief and discouraging.  Good thing about knowledge though is now you can learn about the disorder and make informed decisions on how to proceed.  All the information can be overwhelming I know.   Take it one step at a time.

It is also important to examine your own role in the relationship and that can be the toughest part of all.  You have already done a good job in recognizing you may have some codependent traits.  Most all of us who have been involved with a borderline are codependent to some degree.  This isn't necessarily a bad thing, but when it becomes unhealthy it is time to make some changes.

Take the time to read the excellent articles and workshops available on this site and don't be afraid to ask questions.  We are here to help you through this and lend a sympathetic ear when you need one.