Home page of BPDFamily.com, online relationship supportMember registration here
March 28, 2024, 04:00:23 PM *
Welcome, Guest. Please login or register.

Login with username, password and session length
Board Admins: Kells76, Once Removed, Turkish
Senior Ambassadors: Cat Familiar, EyesUp, SinisterComplex
  Help!   Boards   Please Donate Login to Post New?--Click here to register  
bing
Things we can't ignore
What Does it Take to Be in a Relationship
Why We Struggle in Our Relationships
Is Your Relationship Breaking Down?
Codependency and Codependent Relationships
93
Pages: [1]   Go Down
  Print  
Author Topic: I love my boyfriend but I'm hurt  (Read 421 times)
Noel

Offline Offline

What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Romantic partner
Posts: 3


« on: March 27, 2016, 12:40:49 PM »

  Hi, I'm in a relationship with a BPD guy. We just met 8 months ago and I got pregnant almost immediately. I love him dearly and find it very hard to take his words when he wants to hurt me. I don't know how to react.

I've tried to educate myself about BPD and that seems to help. He also knows a great deal about BPD and is involved in therapy. I'm willing to believe in better future but also afraid on behalf of my child who will be born in 3 months.

Thanks for being there!

I apologize my English, it's not my first language.
Logged
RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING
This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

Stanfran

Offline Offline

What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Romantic partner
Posts: 4


« Reply #1 on: March 27, 2016, 02:01:35 PM »

I understand it's always hard when a child is involved. Wish you the best
Logged
waverider
Retired Staff
*
Offline Offline

Gender: Male
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Romantic partner
Relationship status: married 8 yrs, together 16yrs
Posts: 7405


If YOU don't change, things will stay the same


« Reply #2 on: March 28, 2016, 07:36:47 AM »

 

This is a very hard situation you are in, do you have any close support who knows what you are going through.

How strong are you on your own personal values and boundaries, these are the most important aspect of caring for yourself.

Waverider
Logged

  Reality is shared and open to debate, feelings are individual and real
Noel

Offline Offline

What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Romantic partner
Posts: 3


« Reply #3 on: March 28, 2016, 11:48:55 AM »

Thank you for your support!

This week has been exceptionally difficult. He is under a bit stressfull situation and that's something he can't cope with. He is blaming me for he's troubles even I have not caused them by any means.

Another issue is money. He needs to get some bills paid but has no money for that. I've promised to pay them with my credit card. I'm not sure if he's ever gonna pay me back but I feel I can't leave him in trouble.

I'm craving for his support, being pregnant and all. And I feel sad because I'm not getting any support.

Thank you all, writing here helps me understand my own feelings better.
Logged
waverider
Retired Staff
*
Offline Offline

Gender: Male
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Romantic partner
Relationship status: married 8 yrs, together 16yrs
Posts: 7405


If YOU don't change, things will stay the same


« Reply #4 on: March 28, 2016, 04:39:10 PM »

Another issue is money. He needs to get some bills paid but has no money for that. I've promised to pay them with my credit card. I'm not sure if he's ever gonna pay me back but I feel I can't leave him in trouble.

Be careful of setting a precedent here.  This can quickly become a standard coping mechanism for him to avoid being in trouble. Then when you ultimately say no then you will become the persecutor and all the help you have given will have no currency.
Logged

  Reality is shared and open to debate, feelings are individual and real
Bpdsupporter
***
Offline Offline

Gender: Female
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Romantic partner
Posts: 108


« Reply #5 on: March 31, 2016, 05:42:32 PM »

I'm so sorry your going through such a difficult time. You need to take some time to get some healing. I know your sad and wish he could be there for you. But unfortunately his sadness and his pain is more unbearable than you could ever imagine. He may not be able to be there like you need him to be sweetheart. But if you take some time to take care of your mental and emotional needs it will help you so much. He will always blame and accuse you I know it's hard to understand but it's really not personal. When he accuses you of things try to think of yourself as another person. And empathize and validate his pain. I know it's asking alot... your pregnant and all. But this is the only way. I've been through a whole lotta pain with my BPD man. And learning how to not take his rages personal and learning to validate and empathize is the most challenging thing I've ever had to do. Especially when I'm so hurt myself. I will tell you though that the results are amazing for us. Also get a spiritual foundation. Without God and prayer I wouldn't have made it through. Dont loose hope take care of you first and foremost and God bless!
Logged
JQ
*****
Offline Offline

What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Posts: 731


« Reply #6 on: March 31, 2016, 07:35:12 PM »

Another issue is money. He needs to get some bills paid but has no money for that. I've promised to pay them with my credit card. I'm not sure if he's ever gonna pay me back but I feel I can't leave him in trouble.

Be careful of setting a precedent here.  This can quickly become a standard coping mechanism for him to avoid being in trouble. Then when you ultimately say no then you will become the persecutor and all the help you have given will have no currency.

Hello Noel,

Sorry to hear about everything that you're going through and I know it can't be easy for you.  I would echo what Waverider is telling you. One of the traits a BPD has is a lack of impulse control which would include out of control spending. My exBPD has tens of thousands of dollars in debt with no sign of paying them off anytime soon and continues to add to them.  I almost paid them off if it wasn't for the sound guidance of this site. Waverider is correct, if you pay this off, then he'll expect you to do it time after time.

Since you're new here I would also encourage you to read the references at the top and to the right to learn even more about the Cluster B mental illness. i would also look for or ask your doctor about a very good therapist who is very educated in the studies of BPD to help you manage your feelings, emotions, thoughts and fears with your BPDbf.

You said, "Thank you all, writing here helps me understand my own feelings better."  I would also explore with your therapist why you were originally attracted to your BPD. Chances are you're a codependent like a lot of us here and learning about why and how you became codependent will help you understand your own feelings better.

Come back here as often as you need too ... .everyone here is here to help you find the path you want to walk.

J
Logged
Noel

Offline Offline

What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Romantic partner
Posts: 3


« Reply #7 on: April 03, 2016, 12:29:17 PM »

Thank you again! I love this message board. A lot of support and so much information!

I feel like this relationship is kind of lesson to learn for me. Lesson of empathy and self-control. There's a long path to walk. But its not all up hill as you all know  Smiling (click to insert in post) 
Logged
Can You Help Us Stay on the Air in 2024?

Pages: [1]   Go Up
  Print  
 
Jump to:  

Our 2023 Financial Sponsors
We are all appreciative of the members who provide the funding to keep BPDFamily on the air.
12years
alterK
AskingWhy
At Bay
Cat Familiar
CoherentMoose
drained1996
EZEarache
Flora and Fauna
ForeverDad
Gemsforeyes
Goldcrest
Harri
healthfreedom4s
hope2727
khibomsis
Lemon Squeezy
Memorial Donation (4)
Methos
Methuen
Mommydoc
Mutt
P.F.Change
Penumbra66
Red22
Rev
SamwizeGamgee
Skip
Swimmy55
Tartan Pants
Turkish
whirlpoollife



Powered by MySQL Powered by PHP Powered by SMF 1.1.21 | SMF © 2006-2020, Simple Machines Valid XHTML 1.0! Valid CSS!