Sorry, I just thought of what I really want to know. How do you deal with not being able to ask for what you need emotionally? I know he can't read my mind so that's why I ask, but then I just "needy"
After several days of him not wanting to talk (except maybe briefly to my kids) or be touched (except for the dogs) it gets hard for me.
Do you have family or close friends? Sometimes in these relationships we cut off a lot of outside interactions, and that stifles normal outlets and increases our emotional reliance on our partners who are unable to supply.
It is good to tell him your needs, but not good to put him under pressure to supply, that just causes him stress and to withdraw further. Dont say "I need you to do X" rather say how do you feel about doing X, does it make you uncomfortable?" That way you are asking his view and validating that he has one, yet at the same time giving a heads up to what you would like.
Once you take the pressure off he may start volunteering as to why he struggles with these things. You may be able allay these things or may not, but this you best chance to get to the real issue.
Keep in mind your needs are your issue, you can't "demand' anyone else to meet them.
Think of him as a square wheel and not keep putting pressure on him and expect one day to start rolling.
BPD by the way often takes a while to fully reveal itself to those around them.
