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Author Topic: How do I deal with self harm?  (Read 1080 times)
Akita
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« Reply #30 on: April 15, 2016, 07:07:13 PM »

Thank you.  I will try this.  She is back to twice a week therapy and accepted a referral to start medication again.  The office that houses her therapist refuses to monitor medication for her.  They did once but now say she is out of their comfort zone.  She is very angry and hurt by this.  She believes the PA-C just hates her.  Has anyone had success with medication reducing self harming behaviors?
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waverider
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« Reply #31 on: April 15, 2016, 07:28:52 PM »

Medication per say doesn't control BPD,  though it can temper some of the masking behaviors such as anxiety, depression and sometimes mood stabilizers. The real danger with meds is that pwBPd are prone to the desire for quick fixes and can very easily become dependent on, and abuse, medications. Then getting frustrated because they dont fix everything and so either stop, or go through cycles of overuse and withdrawal creating a whole bunch of side effects.

Psych meds need to be overseen by a psychiatrist rather than just even a GP, otherwise its like constantly trying to add color pigments, eventually you end up with poo brown and adding further to this makes things more confusing.

Stopping self harm behavior is just part of the whole rebuilding self esteem and better communication paths process. i doubt meds will directly stop this
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Akita
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« Reply #32 on: May 09, 2016, 02:50:20 PM »

Her self harm seems to be getting worse.  Deeper and more frequent.  She is frustrated by her therapist because he has become ill twice and cancelled her appointments.  She used their message system to vent and cancelled all her preset appointments.  Now he will only see her for one appointment at an unusual time, she's afraid he is firing her.  The therapist was trying to get her to use ice instead of cutting.  It never took.  She feels like he is quitting on her.  I don't know what to do.
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waverider
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« Reply #33 on: May 09, 2016, 05:30:54 PM »

She used their message system to vent and cancelled all her preset appointments.  Now he will only see her for one appointment at an unusual time,

This is common, what the therapist is doing is protecting his time, allowing her appointments only at a time that minimizes disruption to his day if she starts to not turn up. Typically they are allocated last appointment of the day.
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Akita
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« Reply #34 on: May 09, 2016, 05:51:31 PM »

He had been seeing her twice a week.  She needs the last appointment due to her job being 25 min from his office.  This is the second time she has cancelled all her appointments.  She is also misusing their website message system.  She became distraught when the therapist cancelled an appointment due to illness... .this was the second time he has done this in 4 months.  So she cancelled all the appoints via the website messenger then sent another message explaining why.  The therapist said this belonged in therapy as the website is only for cancelling or confirming appointments.  This is not the first time she has misused the message system.  She is very impatient and impulsive.  I'm not sure him only seeing her once a week is good or not.  She does get wound up after sessions so maybe only seeing him once a week would help that.  All I know is her cutting has increased since seeing this therapist and the therapist isn't even working on stopping the self harm!
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waverider
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« Reply #35 on: May 09, 2016, 06:00:34 PM »

Cutting and meltdowns after therapy means the the therapy is hitting a nerve. If the sessions are purely soothing them. often they are being ineffective and maybe indicative of therapists who are simply lending a  shoulder to cry on and avoiding the hard issues.

I attend most of my wifes appoints with her, left to her own she will misinterpret most things the T worked on. This is more as an aid rather than a joint session. It also reduces her tendency to go of on a delusional tangent. It is only the distressing appointment that seem to get anywhere.
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Akita
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« Reply #36 on: May 09, 2016, 06:34:22 PM »

This therapist won't let me attend.  He says she isn't ready for me to be there.  He is still working on the trust and rapport.  We work different shifts so I would never be able to attend all of them.  Does that give you much insight into helping her?
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waverider
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« Reply #37 on: May 09, 2016, 09:15:00 PM »

.  Does that give you much insight into helping her?

It does, and what I have learned here along with my own observations of my wife gives a huge step forward to the Ts.

It helps that we are at a stage where my wife is not toxic on me so it doesn't become one of those blame shifting sessions that MCs often descend into.
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Akita
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« Reply #38 on: May 09, 2016, 10:13:12 PM »

What exactly do u mean by toxic ON u?  
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waverider
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« Reply #39 on: May 10, 2016, 12:15:16 AM »

What exactly do u mean by toxic ON u?  

Not being blamed or accused of anything by my wife. Neither does she deny any of my observations
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Akita
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« Reply #40 on: May 10, 2016, 12:18:42 AM »

How did you get to that point or was she always that way?
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waverider
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« Reply #41 on: May 10, 2016, 03:41:52 AM »

How did you get to that point or was she always that way?

By practicing the tools and techniques advise on here.

No i have been the brunt of horrors and most of the issues members talk about on here, including the extremes of alcoholism
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Akita
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« Reply #42 on: May 10, 2016, 12:12:08 PM »

Did she self harm?  Has anyone helped their pwBPD stop self harming?
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waverider
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« Reply #43 on: May 10, 2016, 04:13:22 PM »

Did she self harm?  Has anyone helped their pwBPD stop self harming?

Yep, cutting, chewed the insides of her mouth/lips to the point she is now permanently disfigured and has had reconstruction surgery. Following diagnosis she regularly overdosed. Had between 20-30 ambulance call outs over about 18 months, plus other admissions. Not suicide attempts just self harm. Forced sleep deprivation was common.

Hasn't done anything for a long while. As a result of me being involved in her therapy when she is feeling self destructive she talks it over with me so apart from the usual BPD self sabotage there has been nothing seriously physical.
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Akita
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« Reply #44 on: May 11, 2016, 08:53:56 AM »

Mine doesn't self harm to that extreme.  She does the lip and cheek biting but doesn't break the skin often.  She cuts but few are deep.  She scratches her arms, hair pulls, and will press against edges until she bruises.  She hasn't even used pills to overdose she just misuses them.  She has never been hospitalized.  Ever since she started therapy her behaviors have gotten worse.  She cuts more frequently and struggles emotionally after seeing the therapist.  She has not incorporated anything he has discussed with her.  She still in my mind just does what she WANTS to do.  I'm not sure what to do to help.  She doesn't know either.  Her therapist cut her back to one session a week.  He told her she is unsettled and they need to reorient the treatment.  Not sure what that means.  He had given up helping her with SI because she wasn't able to accomplish hardly any tasks according to him.  I just want this to be easier for her.
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Akita
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« Reply #45 on: May 12, 2016, 10:55:35 AM »

Last night she severely cut her wrist.  Deep with gushing blood.  She has been struggling with her therapist.  He says she is unsettled and they need to refocus the therapy.  He dropped her appointments from twice a week to once a week.  She didn't like this.  She is having a hard time so he sees her less?  Makes no sense to her.  She did send him a very angry letter after he cancelled an appointment due to illness.  She drove there to be certain he wasn't there.  She feels that he may claim illness to avoid her.  Now he has cancelled appointments so obviously he is avoiding her.  She also had what she considered a best friend threaten to kill herself and then she unfriended my wife.  They are both borderline and the relationship has been confusing for her.  We had just purchases a game console.  She enjoys video games.  She couldn't get logged in and I wasn't being helpful.  She shut it down and went in the bathroom after she was answering my questions with colorful language.  Everything just piled up on her so she used her knife.  I don't know how to derail this.  Neither does the therapist. 
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Meadowslark
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« Reply #46 on: May 12, 2016, 12:54:08 PM »

Last night she severely cut her wrist.  Deep with gushing blood.  She has been struggling with her therapist.  He says she is unsettled and they need to refocus the therapy.  He dropped her appointments from twice a week to once a week.  She didn't like this.  She is having a hard time so he sees her less?  Makes no sense to her.  She did send him a very angry letter after he cancelled an appointment due to illness.  She drove there to be certain he wasn't there.  She feels that he may claim illness to avoid her.  Now he has cancelled appointments so obviously he is avoiding her.  She also had what she considered a best friend threaten to kill herself and then she unfriended my wife.  They are both borderline and the relationship has been confusing for her.  We had just purchases a game console.  She enjoys video games.  She couldn't get logged in and I wasn't being helpful.  She shut it down and went in the bathroom after she was answering my questions with colorful language.  Everything just piled up on her so she used her knife.  I don't know how to derail this.  Neither does the therapist. 

To be fair, she did go and cancel her appointments with him, send him and angry letter and misuse the website messaging system a couple times. This could be the therapist instituting some boundaries? If she does not comply with what the therapist is trying to do, there is no point in therapy - it's wasting her time and his time.

I highly doubt that the therapist is trying to actively avoid her - if he's sick, he's sick. Telling her that reorienting the therapy would be in her best interest might be him trying to have her focus on the work that needs to be done to get better. It could be a, "If you're not going to do the work, then I can't help you." sort of deal.

This is just guesswork though, and I'm sorry both of you are going through this difficult time. I can't imagine how scared and frustrated and confused you are, Akita.
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Akita
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« Reply #47 on: May 12, 2016, 01:06:41 PM »

The messaging system really aggravates her.  She hates the lack of communication.  She has brought up that point several times.  He just says that is not how he does things and leaves it at that.  She is attempting to journal to avoid the overwhelming desire to use the message system inappropriately.  I guess it could be boundaries... .expectations?  She has a hard time waiting.  If she wants to go somewhere, say something, or find out about something she has a difficult time if it isn't immediate.  She gets a lot of negative thoughts rolling around in her head in order to stop them whatever it is needs to happen now so she won't need to think about it anymore.  She is also quite worried that no one actually cares about her.  She is an insurance claim.  They don't want her to get well.  Her cancelling appointments was out of anger at him cancelling and trying to see if she is still welcome there.  The letter was out of hurt.  She hurt a lot about many things and had to let it out before it consumed her.  I can see why borderline patients are not sought after.  Therapy is difficult to say the least.  Thank you for your kind words, Meadowslark.
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waverider
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« Reply #48 on: May 12, 2016, 02:40:25 PM »

The messaging system really aggravates her.  She hates the lack of communication.  She has brought up that point several times.  He just says that is not how he does things and leaves it at that.  She is attempting to journal to avoid the overwhelming desire to use the message system inappropriately.  I guess it could be boundaries... .expectations?  She has a hard time waiting.  If she wants to go somewhere, say something, or find out about something she has a difficult time if it isn't immediate.  She gets a lot of negative thoughts rolling around in her head in order to stop them whatever it is needs to happen now so she won't need to think about it anymore.  She is also quite worried that no one actually cares about her.  She is an insurance claim.  They don't want her to get well.  Her cancelling appointments was out of anger at him cancelling and trying to see if she is still welcome there.  The letter was out of hurt.  She hurt a lot about many things and had to let it out before it consumed her.  I can see why borderline patients are not sought after.  Therapy is difficult to say the least.  Thank you for your kind words, Meadowslark.

Been through all of this. Therapists have too, which is why they are strict. I doubt there is a therapist around who hasn't been left abusive messages by patients. My wife leaves the longest abusive messages for everyone on message banks. Luckily she is incapable of texting, otherwise that would get her in even worse trouble. At least with voice messageing the receiver can tell that the person was obviously not stable when they left it. with text you can only guess.

My wife's doctor went on leave and my wife was convinced the her doctor had left the practice because my wife was a 'bad person". Ditto when she has a sick day.

If a line of therapy is overly triggering it is common for therapists to drop it and change tact. Even if they have hit a nerve nothing gets achieved while a patient is loosing the plot and combatitive
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