I noticed your name, and while it is great for the pwBPD to have a supportive partner, in actuality, we need to learn self care. Many partners of pwBPD focus on their partner with BPD and can lose sight of their own needs.
Yes! I had to really learn that lesson about self care. It was the first thing I had to do. I had come to so many crossroads in this relationship where I was either gonna stay or leave. When I knew that I wanted to stay and work things out, I knew that I had to change and educate myself first. Through my Faith and prayer, exercise, changing my diet, staying sober too... .i had to cut out all the pot... and getting help with my anxiety my relationship with my pwBPD improved tremendously!
I use to think so often "if only he would change" but I really needed to change and take care of me!
Education on BPD and self care really helped me support him during his dysregulation. Learning empathy and validation skills worked like magix... .i was so shocked that it really worked.
Im naturally empatheic so there were so many times I used tese skills unkowingly. It was easy to use when he was frustrated with someone else or an outside situation. Ive always validated and empathized those experiences.
The challenge was using the skills when its about me.It's hard work but the more I practice the better I get and the deeper I get to know my pwBPD.
That's why I say I'm a supporter because underneath all the BPDness is such an incrediblly amazing man who feels so deeply and is just needs someone to let him.know it's ok and that intense feelings and emotions can be really scary. I know first hand!
I've just got this big ole heart for these special misunderstood stigmatized BPD's. It must really suck to have such a terrible mental illness steeped with fears of abandonment... and then just drive people away which is the very thing you don't want. It's complete torture. When someone tells you they feel numb and empty and feel so much pain on a daily basis... .I can't imagine what that must be like.
I just really have alot of compassion for them. And I know this board exists because we all love them and just want them to find some peace.