BPD parent=pwBPD

[Depression = 72% of members]

So I've been reading alot of post and I've noticed that a number of people grew up in households with a BPD parent. With all the research I've done on this illness I really do think that my father may have been undiagnosed all this time. It was like walking on eggshells with him. He's not as bad as he was when I was a kid now. I really do think that has alot to do with age. I did read somewhere that people with BPD do calm down sometimes with age.

But my next thought is why and how I fell in love with someone with BPD and why I'm sticking through it?

I often feel that I can make it cause I saw my Mom make it through. My parents in NO way believe in therapy and things like that and are very very religious. I saw my Dad put my mother and all us kids through so much. But now after 30+ years of marriage I know my father couldn't live without my mother and all the support and love she gives him even when he was such a tool to her.

So I'm just thinking about here I am in the same type of relationship. I often wonder if growing up with a parent with undiagnosed BpD prepared me for this. Because as my pwBPD progress in our relationship there's just alot of things that remind me of how I grew up. And despite all the trials we had a nice childhood too. I often wonder if my Dad had treatment what a difference it might have been growing up.

Luckily my partner knows his illness and doing his best to get better. And I'm learning all I can to help with my own anxiety and depression. It's not easy but I stay hopeful! 

Just some thoughts... .

[Bpdsupporter]

So I've been reading alot of post and I've noticed that a number of people grew up in households with a BPD parent. With all the research I've done on this illness I really do think that my father may have been undiagnosed all this time. It was like walking on eggshells with him. He's not as bad as he was when I was a kid now. I really do think that has alot to do with age. I did read somewhere that people with BPD do calm down sometimes with age.

But my next thought is why and how I fell in love with someone with BPD and why I'm sticking through it?

I often feel that I can make it cause I saw my Mom make it through. My parents in NO way believe in therapy and things like that and are very very religious. I saw my Dad put my mother and all us kids through so much. But now after 30+ years of marriage I know my father couldn't live without my mother and all the support and love she gives him even when he was such a tool to her.

So I'm just thinking about here I am in the same type of relationship. I often wonder if growing up with a parent with undiagnosed BpD prepared me for this. Because as my pwBPD progress in our relationship there's just alot of things that remind me of how I grew up. And despite all the trials we had a nice childhood too. I often wonder if my Dad had treatment what a difference it might have been growing up.

Luckily my partner knows his illness and doing his best to get better. And I'm learning all I can to help with my own anxiety and depression. It's not easy but I stay hopeful! 

Just some thoughts... .

[PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES]

PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members may appear frustrated but they are here for constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[Notwendy]

There is some information on marriages that states we tend to replay our childhood trauma with our partner, and tend to choose partners who match us in that regard. Also we tend to choose what feels familiar to us. If we grow up in a FOO with BPD, co-dependency, addictions and other dysfunction, we are at risk for choosing similar partners. There is a part of ACOA that considers this.

I noticed your name, and while it is great for the pwBPD to have a supportive partner, in actuality, we need to learn self care. Many partners of pwBPD focus on their partner with BPD and can lose sight of their own needs. So it is important not to loose sight of that too .

[Bpdsupporter]

I noticed your name, and while it is great for the pwBPD to have a supportive partner, in actuality, we need to learn self care. Many partners of pwBPD focus on their partner with BPD and can lose sight of their own needs.

Yes! I had to really learn that lesson about self care. It was the first thing I had to do. I had come to so many crossroads in this relationship where I was either gonna stay or leave. When I knew that I wanted to stay and work things out, I knew that I had to change and educate myself first.  Through my Faith and prayer, exercise, changing my diet, staying sober too... .i had to cut out all the pot... and getting help with my anxiety my relationship with my pwBPD improved tremendously!

I use to think so often "if only he would change" but I really needed to change and take care of me!

Education on BPD and self care really helped me support him during his dysregulation. Learning empathy and validation skills worked like magix... .i was so shocked that it really worked.

Im naturally empatheic so  there were so many times I used tese skills unkowingly. It was easy to use when he was frustrated with someone else or an outside situation. Ive always validated and empathized those experiences.

The challenge was using the skills when its about me.It's hard work but the more I practice the better I get and the deeper I get to know my pwBPD.

That's why I say I'm a supporter because underneath all the BPDness is such an incrediblly amazing man who feels so deeply and is just needs someone to let him.know it's ok and that intense feelings and emotions can be really scary. I know first hand!

I've just got this big ole heart for these special misunderstood stigmatized BPD's. It must really suck to have such a terrible mental illness steeped with fears of abandonment... and then just drive people away which is the very thing you don't want. It's complete torture. When someone tells you they feel numb and empty and feel so much pain on a daily basis... .I can't imagine what that must be like.

I just really have alot of compassion for them. And I know this board exists because we all love them and just want them to find some peace.