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Author Topic: GPS Tracking Watch  (Read 402 times)
Nope
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Who in your life has "personality" issues: Romantic partner’s ex
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« on: April 20, 2016, 11:42:00 AM »

BPDm has a younger D with a different father. We are friendly with his family. He came to Court for DH and nobody understands what we are dealing with quite like his family does (except for people here on this site). Well, he's in need of a little advice and I know what I want to say and what others outside the situation want to say. But maybe someone here has had personal experience.

BPDm has started sending their SD6 to him with a watch that has GPS tracking and answers phone calls with the rule that she must wear it at all times while with her dad and that she must answer it every time BPDm calls. She has been screaming her victimhood to anyone who will listen because the dad won't put the little girl on the phone every time she calls even though the child is absolutely unreachable when with BPDm. She has also repeatedly called the police for well child checks during his parenting time to the point where the police told him they would provide a list of all her unnecessary calls so he could bring it to court. So I do believe she has genuinely worked herself into a lather regarding the child's safety. It just has no basis in reality. It's just been since losing custody of her older two that she's needed a story where she is the "good guy" protector.
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bravhart1
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« Reply #1 on: April 20, 2016, 12:15:32 PM »

For what it's worth here is MY two cents.

Just yesterday DH were having this very conversation with therapist. Since I wasn't "trained" by BPDm to obey such requests as "leave on the watch, and answer when I call during dads time" I would NOT do it. DH would definately be of the camp to acquiesce since he was trained to not rock the boat.

It wasn't until DH finally started to see that stepping outside his comfort zone and not fearing pissing her off that we began making progress with the court. It was framed for him like this:

You need to fear losing your relationship with your daughter more than you fear upsetting her mother.

He had/has an absolute obligation to protect SD7 from her BPDm. Her mother was damaging in both physical and emotional ways. But BPDm was also one of the harder cases the courts, or attorneys had seen. She is shameless about playing the victim card, the race card, the false accusation card, you name it. She is without conscience.

I personally would send said watch back to mom through my attorney via certified mail with a letter from my attorney stating that "tracking devices and 24 hour access to child through cell phone are outside the court order, and will not be adhered to". That. Is. All.

If she doesn't like it, too bad. Let her go to court and get a judge to give a border line mom that kind of power, I don't like her odds.

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Turkish
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« Reply #2 on: April 20, 2016, 01:40:22 PM »

I like everything bravhart1 said. It's hard to understand the fear we have about pissing off the OP, but it needs to be left behind. When consistent boundaries are asserted, the Ex's usually get "trained" after a while. If no, then WE can "train" ourselves to step outside of our comfort zones and become new people, free from fear.

Personally, I'd hide it somewhere and upload the coordinates to a geocaching site

"We want to see how far we can get this watch to travel around the world!"

No, not really, but that's where my mind goes. 
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    “For the strength of the Pack is the Wolf, and the strength of the Wolf is the Pack.” ― Rudyard Kipling
ForeverDad
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« Reply #3 on: April 20, 2016, 04:41:27 PM »

Or Dad should put the watch in a steel box during Dad's time so it is unable to broadcast tracking information and at the end of his parenting time give it back to his D for the exchange.  Some parents here already do that with cell phones that could be compromised with spyware, tracking software, etc.

I don't think any judge would oppose Dad doing that.  Dad's time is Dad's time.  If he's not comfortable with being tracked and monitored, then no judge would enforce it without substantial justification.
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ForeverDad
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« Reply #4 on: April 20, 2016, 04:57:55 PM »

As for frequency of phone calls I suffered with a magistrate changing the standard boilerplate "reasonable telephone contact" to daily calls in a half hour period.  This was just because in summer 2009 my cell was dead for a few days (Fri pm through Sun pm) and the changed greeting said to call the house phone instead.  Ex left angry VMs on the dead cell phone, never called the house phone and complained to the magistrate she couldn't contact our son for the full 5 days he was with me, I was given no opportunity to tell what really happened.  I'm still stuck with daily calls but another magistrate finally restored the "reasonable" in early 2014.

Ex had a history of threatening to go to court for failed calls.  The decision stated, "This magistrate would generally prefer to include "reasonable" telephone contact without having to dictate a particular half-hour when the call is made; however, in light of the intense level of conflict between the parties, it may be necessary to do so... .  The Court finds Father's fears of further litigation or ultimatums are justified.  Therefore, the Court will grant Father's request [to restore 'reasonable'].  This magistrate would hope that the parties will not use telephone contact as leverage to keep the child from an activity beneficial to the child, such as a movie, play, sporting event, etc, and the the parties will exercise some flexibility and recognition for the child's best interest to participate in cultural or extra-curricular activities."
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Nope
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« Reply #5 on: April 20, 2016, 05:09:18 PM »

Yes. I agree with the consensus. She is trying to make the argument that it is not his property. It is her property so he has no right to remove it.   

My dad actually said it best  when I asked him what he'd do in a situation like that; "I'd hand it back to her with a jar of Vaseline and tell her where she can put it."  Laugh out loud (click to insert in post)
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ForeverDad
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You can't reason with the Voice of Unreason...


« Reply #6 on: April 20, 2016, 06:06:01 PM »

Yes. I agree with the consensus. She is trying to make the argument that it is not his property. It is her property so he has no right to remove it.   

My dad actually said it best when I asked him what he'd do in a situation like that, "I'd hand it back to her with a jar of Vaseline and tell her where she can put it."  Laugh out loud (click to insert in post)

Now why didn't I think of Vaseline?

It may be her property, but it's HIS parenting time.

It also happens with clothes.  Disordered parent sends the child in old clothes — one time my son came in size 2 pajamas where he was wearing size 5 — expecting as many do for them to be replaced with newer clothes never to be seen again.  Some sent the kids back in the same clothes but that doesn't work if the exchange location is a daycare or school.  When clothes are dirty and filthy some have kept them in a bag and sent them back on the child as is.

Demands and ultimatums — as well as using our sense of obligation and guilt against us — are typical acting-out traits.  It takes time but eventually we figure out what is valid from the heap of hogwash.
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ambivalentmom
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« Reply #7 on: April 21, 2016, 08:31:08 AM »

I had a similar issue with my D13 (12 at the time).  She tried to bring a phone her dad gave her into our home.  There's a lot more to that mess (feel free to read my previous posts).

I told them that I am not comfortable having the phone at our home because I do not want to be held responsible for it, so I kept it in a drawer until the next meetup and had D13 take it back.  Remind her in email what number you guys can be reached at and when the best times are to call.  This shows that you are not restricting contact.  I've reminded uBPDex what number to call, but I'm pretty sure from previous incidents that he doesn't have the number saved in his phone.  It's been about fours years with that number now.

There is a lot more you can get into, but the vague explaination above will help keep communication/arguments short.  My daughter tried to argue that it was her phone because her dad gave it to her, but that's actually not true and could get you in trouble in the future.  If she's lying about communication, she could say you refuse to return the watch and press charges/could use GPS to find your friends or kid's friends to harrass/etc.


P.S. I have to tell you about my problems with clothing because I'm on the other end.  She used to wear nicer things to her dad's, but there was a time she came back without her favorite coat.  He said that she did not lose her coat with him (she said where she left it when she was with him).  Buying a new coat wasn't a major problem.  It was watching her lose herself because of him.  She told me she never really liked that coat anyway and it looked like she was having a hard time convincing herself of that.  She now only wears a jacket from her dad's house over everything and even when it's too hot for a jacket (uBPDex boutgh matching jackets for himself and D13/extension of self anyone?  ).  She also came back in clothes from his house, so that's the only thing she wears when she goes back to see him.  She also wears extra pairs of socks to his house because she doesn't have enough when she's over there and is trying to build up her supply.  I'm not worried about the clothes right now because there's a lot more going on than clothes.
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Thunderstruck
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« Reply #8 on: April 21, 2016, 10:01:02 AM »

Personally, I'd hide it somewhere and upload the coordinates to a geocaching site

"We want to see how far we can get this watch to travel around the world!"

No, not really, but that's where my mind goes. 

Laugh out loud (click to insert in post)  Laugh out loud (click to insert in post)  Laugh out loud (click to insert in post) Doing the right thing (click to insert in post)  I love this!

It's not technically "her" property. She gave it to SD. It's SD's property. Smiling (click to insert in post)

What does the court order say for calls?
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« Reply #9 on: April 21, 2016, 10:58:07 AM »

My ex did that with our oldest years ago. She used his cell phone. He figured it out when she called and told him where we were. He was ticked off. He turned the phone off unless he was going to use it.

I work in an airport part time. I gave the phone, turned on, to a pilot once when he was flying to St Thomas. He came back two days later. I wouldn't do that now but I thought it was funny then. It was during the summer and the boys were with me for the week.

I am a school teacher and had an issue years back. A student would take a photo of his quiz and send it to his friends at lunch. They would text the answers back. Several students were in on it so they created diversions during the test to keep me from figuring out exactly what they were up to. I figured out what was going on and decorated my class room with aluminum foil a few days later. The students thought I was weird until they realized they couldn't text in my room anymore. When they questioned me about it I simply asked how they knew they couldn't text since they weren't allowed to anyway.

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