Mother's Day

[Before you can make things better, you have to stop making them worse...]

Happy belated Mother's Day to the moms and stepmoms on this board!     

This is my first Mother's Day with a child of my own so this year I feel like less of an imposter.   In the past, SD has made it known that I'm not her mom and she even hesitates calling me her stepmom (uBPDbm referred to me as "the other person" when talking to SD Friday night... .uBPDbm won't even let SD say my name or let alone say anything nice about me).

I spent a good portion of the day yesterday trying to be grateful for uBPDbm. You might notice that I refer to my SD's mom as bm (biological mom). I'm happy that they can go to the mall or go out to eat and have fun together, but I know when the parenting job gets tough, BPDmom can't or doesn't want to handle it. I know SD still holds hope in her heart that her mom will be, you know, a mom (we all do) but I'm happy that at least I can "step" in and fill that role for her when her mom is lacking.

I was talking with SD Saturday about the "birds and the bees" and how her body is changing (one of many talks we've had since they started doing the talks in school) and I asked her "What has your mom said about it, has she talked to you?". Nope, she hasn't. The enormity of that really affected me. I am just happy to be a positive female role model for SD11. A stable, constant, unconditionally loving female... .in contrast with her chaotic, sometimes engulfing, sometimes ignoring, controlling relationship with her mom.

I know we're not always appreciated by the BPDparents or the kids/skids and sometimes not even by our own SOs  but all of us moms and stepmoms are very important in these kids lives!

[Thunderstruck]

Happy belated Mother's Day to the moms and stepmoms on this board!     

This is my first Mother's Day with a child of my own so this year I feel like less of an imposter.   In the past, SD has made it known that I'm not her mom and she even hesitates calling me her stepmom (uBPDbm referred to me as "the other person" when talking to SD Friday night... .uBPDbm won't even let SD say my name or let alone say anything nice about me).

I spent a good portion of the day yesterday trying to be grateful for uBPDbm. You might notice that I refer to my SD's mom as bm (biological mom). I'm happy that they can go to the mall or go out to eat and have fun together, but I know when the parenting job gets tough, BPDmom can't or doesn't want to handle it. I know SD still holds hope in her heart that her mom will be, you know, a mom (we all do) but I'm happy that at least I can "step" in and fill that role for her when her mom is lacking.

I was talking with SD Saturday about the "birds and the bees" and how her body is changing (one of many talks we've had since they started doing the talks in school) and I asked her "What has your mom said about it, has she talked to you?". Nope, she hasn't. The enormity of that really affected me. I am just happy to be a positive female role model for SD11. A stable, constant, unconditionally loving female... .in contrast with her chaotic, sometimes engulfing, sometimes ignoring, controlling relationship with her mom.

I know we're not always appreciated by the BPDparents or the kids/skids and sometimes not even by our own SOs  but all of us moms and stepmoms are very important in these kids lives!

[Deb]

Well a belated Happy Mother's Day to you! Your post reminded me of my SD. Her bio mom never talked to her about the changes her body would go through. We were at my SIL's house and she woke me up in tears! She was "bleeding to death"! Well, after a bit of talk with out her daddy present, I went to see if her aunt had anything in the house because I sure didn't have anything with me. We gave her a crash course on what happens every month to us females. Later, I asked her if she had maybe noticed that this happens to her mother and sisters and she said she had noticed things but thought it only happened to "old people", you know, over 20.   I also went out and bought her a book about that.

Yesterday, she called me to wish me Happy Mother's day. She calls me mom. Later, her son and daughter called to also say Happy Mother's Day. My SD is a grandma now. Hard to believe. She did call her bio mom and she said her bio mom could not even name her kids. I mean, she has TWO grandchildren and one great grandchild and she doesn't know their names. So sad for her. My SD always remarks about how charitable I am towards her bio mom. I can be now because I know she is a sick woman. It took a long tiome though.