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[Katie44]

Hello! I was in about a year long relationship with a man that I loved very much. About 3 weeks ago I found out he cheated on me for 3 months of our relationship. I read all the messages between them and it made me sick. He told her he loved her and said ALL the same things he said to me. I ended the relationship the second I found out and we had a huge fight. It wasn't pretty. I Cut all contact and he FREAKED out. I didn't talk to him for a week and the emails, texts, FB messages, etc would NOT STOP. He kept begging for help and the softie that I am started talking to him again. He has NO ONE ELSE. I honestly was afraid he may kill himself if I didn't start talking to him again. He didn't have explanations for his behavior. He said he hated every second of the 3 month relationship (after the first week) but just couldn't end it. He can't explain why. He had several breakdowns after I ended it and went to a counselor. He has been reading a lot and realized he is borderline. After much begging and pleading, I started reading. It fits him like a glove! He mom died when he was 13. He confessed that he is a compulsive liar and manipulator. I do love him, but not sure this is the life I want to have. I am 44 and just came out of a 20 year marriage where my husband had childhood sexual issues that he just couldn't resolve. He went for help too late. The bipolar man is 34 and has a 1 and 4 year old. My kids are 11 & 13. This man has been my best friend for a long time and we are SO good together when things are good. He is currently telling me ALL the truths that I never got before and it's down right scary. He says hat me leaving him and not coming back triggered his acknowledgement that he has a problem. He absolutely hates himself now and just keeps asking himself WHY he did it. Things were pretty damn good with us and he killed it. We are friends again and he wants to try the relationship again when he gets better. Is it worth my time? I will help see him through this as a friend since I said I would but should I consider giving it another try once he starts to control himself?

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[Herodias]

Sorry you are in this situation after you came out of a 20 year marriage. I know that was a difficult situation to be in too. It was easy to get swept into another relationship with someone like this if you are not healed from what you were in before. I would suggest you read all you can on the subject. I would tell you that he will be relentless right now. Is he still with the other woman? You may not know the truth on this matter. If he is suicidal I suggest you'll him you will call for help for him and tell him you are not capable of helping him in that manner. You are not a therapist. It will make him stop making threats or if he means it, you can actually call for help. Mine was a cutter, so I do know they are capable, but usually not to kill themselves. Just wanting help. He will require years of therapy to become "better"... .you need to decide what you are willing to deal with since you have done this before. Watch out for your children. Mine admitted he was a manipulator and a liar... .it didn't change. I hope yours does get the help he needs, but you need to see him do it for a long period of time. Mine always quit. Be careful... .

[Katie44]

Thank you so much Herodias! No he is not still with the other girl. I messaged her and we had a chat. All she knew of me was that I was the ex girlfriend. I can't live that life again! It was so hard. I stayed for 20 long years hoping and trying to get him to change. I just don't think I can do it again. It breaks my heart because we are exactly alike. We get along soo well. Have all the same interests and he is soo smart. Probably why he can manipulate so well. I love him so much but I just don't think I have the strength. I NEED my happily ever after.  :'( I didn't find the strength to leave a 20 year trouble marriage to get into a troubled relationship. It will hurt him deeply but I just can't do it. I will continue to read and be the friend he needs but right now I think the relationship part may never be again.

[Katie44]

Oh and Herodias, he never threatened to kill or hurt himself. That was just my assessment of him. That's why I started talking to him again. I didn't want to, but he was relentless and he kept breaking down. I was afraid he might do something bad. He has started counseling and that is going well. I do think he can overcome this. He is a good person but I just can't take that risk. Not at this point.

[Herodias]

Be careful is all... .he is self diagnosing. Mine is more of a sociopath, so you have to be careful. They know how to treat you to make you think you have everything in common. They know how to manipulate you so that you feel sorry for them. I am not sure his true story... .can you talk to his Father? or his ex? Just think about your kids and move away... .be carful not to get sucked in if you don;t want to be there. This is where boundaries come into play. Good luck