saturday nite blues

[Depression = 72% of members]

Habitually Saturday nights are bad for my BPD wife and me. I suggest movies plays hiking downtown Disney etc etc. All she really likes is to go gambling all nite.  Hate it but some times I give in regretting it 18 hours later broke and my weekend ... .really wasted. She in now angry cause we have nothing to do tonight. Do I  scramble and stressout searching for and activityxshe will say no to anyway... .ir just ride it out?

[badknees1]

Habitually Saturday nights are bad for my BPD wife and me. I suggest movies plays hiking downtown Disney etc etc. All she really likes is to go gambling all nite.  Hate it but some times I give in regretting it 18 hours later broke and my weekend ... .really wasted. She in now angry cause we have nothing to do tonight. Do I  scramble and stressout searching for and activityxshe will say no to anyway... .ir just ride it out?

[PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES]

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[Herodias]

I remember those nights gambling in Florida and Louisiana... .I remember watching one man beg his wife to leave... .It was so sad. I gave in to my husband on it too, then was angry about it. If you go, you risk being begged for more and more money to spend. If you don't you get dirty looks all night. That's tough... .See if she can come up with something else to do... .Luckily mine was good with movies at home mostly. Sometimes dinner out or movies in the theater. If he was really bored with me, he would leave on his own. Usually that was a disaster. If you could send her out to gamble without credit cards and debit cards on her own it would give you a peaceful night ; )... .I feel your pain... .good luck.

[badknees1]

Thank Biue Herron. It was a good talk time on the 2 hour drive there but at 4 am she was out of money, tes asking for more. One thing lead to another ensuing in a verbal onslaught for the 2 hour drive home. Right now I am like a PTSD victim hoping she is asleep in our room. I will drag myself off to church now. whew

[Herodias]

Thank Biue Herron. It was a good talk time on the 2 hour drive there but at 4 am she was out of money, tes asking for more. One thing lead to another ensuing in a verbal onslaught for the 2 hour drive home. Right now I am like a PTSD victim hoping she is asleep in our room. I will drag myself off to church now. whew

Yes... .I actually read we have CPTSD... .so you are correct there. The longer you are with them, the more you have to look out for yourself.  Sorry you are having this trouble... .Hope the sermon was helpful today.

[ArleighBurke]

Habitually Saturday nights are bad for my BPD wife and me. I suggest movies plays hiking downtown Disney etc etc. All she really likes is gamble. Do I  scramble and stressout searching for and activityxshe will say no to anyway... .ir just ride it out?

My BPDw doesn't ever want to do anything. I have tried pretty much everything - but I can't get her interested. So i generally just sit with her and shoot the breeze, which then turns into her being bored, which then turns into her berating me all night.

Sometimes I wonder if I am enabling her. What if I just went and did whatever I wanted instead of sitting with her? I'd start with things around her (exercise, housework, jigsaw puzzle) so that she could join in if she wanted - but she never does. Or I could go out without her. Both are going to end in her being annoyed, but so is just sitting with her. Why do I allow her to drag me into her pit of nothingness?

For you and gambling - could you try *other* less expensive gambling? (Bingo?). Have you tried talking and setting a limit for the night? Such as agreeing to only spend $50 - however she wants (all on black vs 1c slots)?

[waverider]

You appease and end up in the dog house whilst at the same time having a lousey time and donating a large slice of your life to the garbage can. Putting you in the dog house keeps you appeasing and meeting her needs

You go do something for yourself, you end up in the dog house, your mind is off the issue for a while and you add meaning to your life. Putting you in the dog house has no effect or helps get her needs met.

A pwBPDs main motivator is getting their needs met not yours. The former will not effect a change, the latter will create a need for change