BPDm has gone underground

[VIDEO: "What is parental alienation?"]

Our BPDm seems to have vanished. We aren't sure what to make of it.

Once the report came out she was able to go back to court and get supervised visits. That as two months ago and she hasn't even responded to numerous correspondence from either her or our attorney.

Her attorney just filed to be taken off as her attorney of record since she won't respond to emails or phone calls.

It's actually quite weird that "mother of the year" would just drop out of all interest, she doesn't to my knowledge even send secret notes to SD through the other child anymore like she was doing.

It's like she is "punishing" SD for the report being bad. But she doesn't realize we have not shared any bit of the report with SD ( as parents are not supposed to ) mom may assume that we did, cause that's what she would have done.

Don't get me wrong, NOT COMPLAINING   we have long needed the break from the drama and the stress and the money hemorrhaging.

Just weird that she seems to have ditched her child. Any one else have the BPD parent drop the fight once they were diagnosed and outed for being the problem?

[bravhart1]

Our BPDm seems to have vanished. We aren't sure what to make of it.

Once the report came out she was able to go back to court and get supervised visits. That as two months ago and she hasn't even responded to numerous correspondence from either her or our attorney.

Her attorney just filed to be taken off as her attorney of record since she won't respond to emails or phone calls.

It's actually quite weird that "mother of the year" would just drop out of all interest, she doesn't to my knowledge even send secret notes to SD through the other child anymore like she was doing.

It's like she is "punishing" SD for the report being bad. But she doesn't realize we have not shared any bit of the report with SD ( as parents are not supposed to ) mom may assume that we did, cause that's what she would have done.

Don't get me wrong, NOT COMPLAINING   we have long needed the break from the drama and the stress and the money hemorrhaging.

Just weird that she seems to have ditched her child. Any one else have the BPD parent drop the fight once they were diagnosed and outed for being the problem?

[Panda39]

In our situation is a little different because my SO's daughters (D19 & D15) are older and still low contact with their mom.  But both have voted with their feet as ForeverDad said before.  Both girls live full-time with their dad and have for the last year and a half.

But is uBPDmom putting up a fight?  Taking Dad to court for visitation with D15? No.  Not because she wouldn't want to have custody or visitation but because she has boxed herself in a corner.  Does she really want to go to court and explain 3 evictions, putting D19 in $15,000 in debt because she promised to pay for private college and didn't, sending D15 to camp in Wisconsin only camp was not paid for and stranding her there, and she is now on probation for 2 years for fraud.

Don't look the gift horse in the mouth... .enjoy the peace while you have it. 

Panda39

[NorthernGirl]

DH's ex has decided to move back to be near her parents after not getting sole guardianship of SS21. The day after the court decision came, she left town saying her mother was ill. Then a few weeks later, she said she was moving because she can't get a job here. SS21, who has special needs, was hurt and confused. He asked us constantly why she would do this. He tells her he will visit her twice a month. She doesn't appear to be interested in that happening.

SS21 is trying hard to soothe his mom, so we have had his counsellor work with him on helping him see that he can't make his mom happy. But that won't be easy.

She's gone away or left him with us before but it was interesting to see how she spoke about this in court. She failed to mention in her filed documents and sworn statement that she had little contact with SS21 on two occasions, both times for almost a year. When DH's lawyer asked her about it, she acted a bit confused. As though she wasn't quite sure what had happened.

[Thunderstruck]

After we "won" 50/50, uBPDbm would refuse to sign in to OFW for days (up to an entire week) to punish us. It ticked the judge off.

It always made me nervous... .like she was regrouping to strategize for another attack.

I always felt like if it ended up that we got primary, uBPDbm would just ditch SD11 all together. I don't think uBPDbm actually wants the "hassle" of parenting, I think she just wants the money and the control. Most of her current visitation time she goes out (to the gym, out with her friends or tinder dates, to work, etc) and leaves SD11 home alone.

[NorthernGirl]

I don't think uBPDbm actually wants the "hassle" of parenting, I think she just wants the money and the control. Most of her current visitation time she goes out (to the gym, out with her friends or tinder dates, to work, etc) and leaves SD11 home alone.

I think DH's ex is the same - she has always done little with SS21. We think she is embarrassed having a special needs son.

UBPD's testimony in court was all about how she has and would continue to block SS21 from many activities. She spoke glowingly about how he cleans her house and buys groceries. When the judge asked her lawyer, during final remarks, what uBPD actually does with her son, the lawyer paused and finally said something like 'well she bought herself a bike last year and hopes to get SS21's bike from his Dad's so he can ride with her.' The judge said something about it's nice that she hopes to do things, but was there anything she was already doing, to which the lawyer couldn't respond.

[Nope]

It's a symptom of the all-or-nothing thinking. The judge, custody investigator, whoever didn't give her everything so she got nothing and will behave as if she really has nothing. If SD ever gets the chance to ask her why she disappeared she'll tell her that she was given nothing as well. Gray area, glass half full, or "sometimes" with a person who suffers from BPD. Particularly when triggered. And I'm sure the latest court experience was very triggering.

In our case the uBPDm was given very little visitation in her state but given one weekend a month (and always any long weekend she wanted) in our state. She has not come down to see the kids even once in two years. In a recent email exchange DH tried to make the point that she should at least try to come down. Her response, over and over, was that she couldn't possibly be expected to come down one weekend a month because it wasn't financially workable. It didn't matter how much DH said not every month, but maybe once or twice in a year. It didn't matter how much SS11's counselor said maybe once or twice in a year, she just kept saying she couldn't make it work to come down every month and it was completely stupid of everybody to expect her to do that. All = every month. Nothing = never. Gray area = once or twice a year.

She can't even.

I agree with others that the best thing you can do is sit back and enjoy this time as much as you can. Work on building a better relationship with SD. Hopefully one that can withstand the next onslaught when BPDm rears her angry head again.