Bpdruinmylife
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What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Romantic partner
Posts: 14
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« Reply #4 on: June 06, 2016, 05:36:38 PM » |
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I never heard of BPD before now. I wish I could help anyone else who might fall into a relationship like this one. I love her and it is the most difficult experience of loving someone who suffers from BPD. I wish I could free her from it somehow. I write this for anyone out there that might be experiencing a confusing experience like this and not know if they are crazy or not. Whether to trust their instincts are follow their need to be with BPD. I consider myself very stubborn and tough, not afraid of pain or tough situations, this put me on the floor and broke me. I have started drinking every night just two fingers at first, then two glasses of two fingers, then on bad nights maybe more. Also, i started smoking cigarettes, just one at first now two at night ... .I might smoke 2-4 a week. I'm super healthy, fit, do biking and triathlons, and now i'm smoking and drinking for first time in life... .I'm filled with fear, anxiety, pressure, it's exhausting. I feel like this is like psychological warfare and I'm losing it.
For anyone out there who is confused, the only thing that has saved me is focus on actions not words.She has done some insane things, threaten suicide, call me in middle of night ranting and raging, tried to destroy an old girlfriend who is now a very close friend by going to her home and calling me and telling me she was going to kill herself on the steps of the woman ... .
Here's the thing, I was naturally setting boundries, I'd just say I'm sorry I can't be in this chaos, and stop contact. She would change her behavior become sweet, smart, send me links to psychological reasons for her behavior, I even talked to shrink with her, which was great by the way, She would work on herself, become better, even now she is great, but here's the thing... every so often she will say something just brutally rude to me, demeaning, childish but mean and i mean really mean, almost like a middle school aged kid being just a jerk, the insults or criticisms are vicious, so vicious my body tingles from the shame or hurt that it causes... .
when that happens i get up and leave, leave, leave... .and then she will apologize be sweet ... .
again, focus on what they do not on what they say! if it hurts don't ignore it, is my advice. in someways you gotta trust your instincts ... .if you have low self esteem, like i do, danger, you are gonna get even lower and lower,
we just met 6 months ago, and she wants me to move in, and support me through my education, i'm going to grad school, and take care of me ... .she looks like chrstie brinkley, seriously, and is so smart and kind, but with me she has these two sides ... .her ex is a raging alcoholic and i wonder now, she dumped him, sold her wedding ring at a pawn shop, yet let her kid still stay with the ex... who allowed that to happen, her kid is a high school drop out and a raging drug addict that she is trying to deal with, but actually her family is now taking care of him and he won't talk to her ... .
i can't understand turning your back on anyone ever, but in this case, the relationship is literally making me into a clinical depressed person,
i have never lost my temper with her, never yelled at her, i'm a nice guy, respect people, but i tell you what this is the devil this illness or whatever it is, don't play with it, unless you are informed
the sick thing is i still want her, she is a love of a lifetime but it's not really real, which breaks me in another way,
thank god for this website! thank you thank you thank you!
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