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Author Topic: New to BPD dont want to believe it but she must be BPD?  (Read 375 times)
Bpdruinmylife

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What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Romantic partner
Posts: 14


« on: May 18, 2016, 02:56:42 PM »

Met her online

She was /incredible

Sex mind blowing

Wanted me to move in within weeks

Hysterical tantrums

Suicide threats

Call me at night raging looping saying horrible things

Said she had miscarriage but on the same night as x girlfriend now friend had b day party

I see moments where her face kinda goes dark she emotionally just dies and gets really dark can feel this mood cloud over her face

Shell get nasty tone mean briefly

Xtremly impatient

Very very up happy abd then very down

Crying

Will never ever ever own up to being wrong

Will spend a lot of time bothered if misunderstoodspends so much time re framing a statement to not be responsible for something she said

Tells me in ways how a man was into her wanted her

She actually told me she was BPD

Now she denies it

Never even heard if it

But she seems to fit

Also im an  emotional wreck

Just broken

Im addictted to her

But chaos all all the time

Am i crazy?

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This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

waverider
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Who in your life has "personality" issues: Romantic partner
Relationship status: married 8 yrs, together 16yrs
Posts: 7405


If YOU don't change, things will stay the same


« Reply #1 on: May 18, 2016, 06:31:33 PM »

 

Welcome Bpdruinmylife

It certainly sounds like you have run headlong into BPD. It is very confusing and contradictory.

You will need to research this subject well before committing to a relationship like this. There are plenty resources here to help you.

It can throw you off balance trying to find logic in what is clearly illogical for a non affected person. You will make wrong assumptions and react inappropriately, often making things worse.

if you decide this is for you, then you will have to change your own personality and way of interacting.  The over the top good is just as much part of it as the over the top crazy. Nothing will be as it seems, but you will learn how to be more observant.

Are there any specific issues we can help you with?


Waverider
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  Reality is shared and open to debate, feelings are individual and real
Bpdruinmylife

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What is your sexual orientation: Straight
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Posts: 14


« Reply #2 on: May 18, 2016, 11:57:24 PM »

She has found a new age resource called "twin flame" that in her mind explains and justifies all the chaotic behavior. she is trying to convince me that all of the ups and downs are simply because we are growing into the perfect couple

it is so confusing because she is so smart and can confuse me, twist things around so much.

i will say she has offered to go to therapy since i demanded it before we go any further but when i told her i wanted to come clean with the psychologist she said that the psychologist wouldn't understand the twin flame phenomenon... but she is willing to go to therapy

her son is 18 and he is an abusive, drug addict, didn't graduate high school, ... .she is very accomplished in her work and college educated but just did a really bad job with her kid ... .this is her wording not mine.

she scares the hell out of me but tugs at my heart as if she is my soul mate... .i think i drank the kool aid ...

man i feel so beat down ... .i never felt like this before... .

i wonder if this is what heroin is like ... .i feel like my body is addicted but my brain is screaming to me watch out stop

i think i am co dependent vulnerable and love to save the day with her but all my instincts say no way but my heart is obsessed with this woman

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waverider
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Relationship status: married 8 yrs, together 16yrs
Posts: 7405


If YOU don't change, things will stay the same


« Reply #3 on: May 19, 2016, 05:58:45 AM »

Your analogy to drug addiction is spot on. You evolve into constantly chasing a repeat of that first high. Eventually though you can end up simply trying to avoid the withdrawal, the highs having since been dulled.

It is important to step out of this overdose/withdrawal cycle and see it for what it is. It is the opposite swings of dysfunction, covered with layers of denial and delusion. It is important that you do not take on these delusional coping mechanisms, thinking "if only we get past the next drama things will be back to great again"

This is faulty thinking, which at best keeps us in survival mode rather than thriving.

You need to step back and take a clear headed view of what the reality is and establish your own values and boundaries, and dont be sold hers, or her lack of.

It is a hard thing you are facing, it is possible, but it is not easy, you will need to be a strong independent person willing to challenge your own views and behaviors.

There are plenty of members here who know exactly what you are facing to help you get your head around it.

Waverider
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Bpdruinmylife

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What is your sexual orientation: Straight
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Posts: 14


« Reply #4 on: June 06, 2016, 05:36:38 PM »

I never heard of BPD before  now. I wish I could help anyone else who might fall into a relationship like this one. I love her and it is the most difficult experience of loving someone who suffers from BPD. I wish I could free her from it somehow. I write this for anyone out there that might be experiencing a confusing experience like this and not know if they are crazy or not. Whether to trust their instincts are follow their need to be with BPD. I consider myself very stubborn and tough, not afraid of pain or tough situations, this put me on the floor and broke me. I have started drinking every night just two fingers at first, then two glasses of two fingers, then on bad nights maybe more. Also, i started smoking cigarettes, just one at first now two at night ... .I might smoke 2-4 a week. I'm super healthy, fit, do biking and triathlons, and now i'm smoking and drinking for first time in life... .I'm filled with fear, anxiety, pressure, it's exhausting. I feel like this is like psychological warfare and I'm losing it.

For anyone out there who is confused, the only thing that has saved me is focus on actions not words.She has done some insane things, threaten suicide, call me in middle of night ranting and raging, tried to destroy an old girlfriend who is now a very close friend by going to her home and calling me and telling me she was going to kill herself on the steps of the woman ... .

Here's the thing, I was naturally setting boundries, I'd just say I'm sorry I can't be in this chaos, and stop contact. She would change her behavior become sweet, smart, send me links to psychological reasons for her behavior, I even talked to shrink with her, which was great by the way,  She would work on herself, become better, even now she is great, but here's the thing... every so often she will say something just brutally rude to me, demeaning, childish but mean and i mean really mean, almost like a middle school aged kid being just a jerk, the insults or criticisms are vicious, so vicious my body tingles from the shame or hurt that it causes... .

when that happens i get up and leave, leave, leave... .and then she will apologize be sweet ... .

again, focus on what they do not on what they say! if it hurts don't ignore it, is my advice. in someways you gotta trust your instincts ... .if you have low self esteem, like i do, danger, you are gonna get even lower and lower,

we just met 6 months ago, and she wants me to move in, and support me through my education, i'm going to grad school, and take care of me ... .she looks like chrstie brinkley, seriously, and is so smart and kind, but with me she has these two sides ... .her ex is a raging alcoholic and i wonder now, she dumped him, sold her wedding ring at a pawn shop, yet let her kid still stay with the ex... who allowed that to happen, her kid is a high school drop out and a raging drug addict that she is trying to deal with, but actually her family is now taking care of him and he won't talk to her ... .

i can't understand turning your back on anyone ever, but in this case, the relationship is literally making me into a clinical depressed person,

i have never lost my temper with her, never yelled at her, i'm a nice guy, respect people, but i tell you what this is the devil this illness or whatever it is, don't play with it, unless you are informed

the sick thing is i still want her, she is a love of a lifetime but it's not really real, which breaks me in another way,

thank god for this website! thank you thank you thank you!

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