Marriage counselling

[wookieman25]

Hi all

I've an on going issue that I posted about here (https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=292561.msg12757126#msg12757126)

I guess the good news is that wife has decided she is ready to start dealing with the issues that surround intimacy... she has suggested we start marriage counseling and I was just wondering if this will help or make things worse?

Any advice/experience would be greatly appreciated... .

Cheers

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[livednlearned]

Hi wookieman25,

Diane Spear wrote an article about marriage counseling when one partner has BPD: https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/stop-walking-eggshells/201307/couples-counseling-high-conflict-people

I might also read the High Conflict Couple by Alan Fruzetti because even if you yourself don't have BPD, it is easy to be triggered (i.e. feeling defensive, feeling rejected) and have strong feelings in a BPD marriage. The dialectical behavior approach in the book is helpful for any of us, and some of the skills may be helpful so that you enter marriage counseling prepared.

I have found that couples or family therapy works better when I see the therapist more as an ally and less as someone who has all the answers. A couples T probably won't start off the session saying, "It's a good idea to use 'we' language." Knowing little workarounds like that may help make couples counseling less persecutory.