Is there real hope?

[Depression = 72% of members]

This is my first post, however I've been visiting bpdfamily on and off for years. I'm still conflicted on rather or not there is real hope for change and a lasting and happy marriage or if I am holding onto false hope and prolonging the inevitable?

I've been married for over 20 years and my story resembles so many that I've read over the years and is text book on the traits for both BPD and NPD. Two separate therapist have suggested BPD/NPD and my husband will argue that nether one were qualified to diagnose him with anything. It was pointless trying to argue that they both suggested and did not diagnose him and I believed that further therapy with "a qualified" person might be beneficial. And with that (long story short) he does not therapy, but I do and always have according to him, as though he is qualified to make that statement. The funny thing is, I've been seeing a therapist for three years, on a regular basis in the beginning and over time the frequency gradually decreased and I currently go every six weeks.

I stopped arguing a long time ago over the things that I know will not go anywhere and don't have a chance of getting resolved. The last time my husband made it clear (in his mind) that both T's were not qualified to even suggest BPD/NPD I replied, Yes, I am aware of your thoughts on that, you have mentioned it in the past.

One think I think that is important to point out is that my uBPDh has a brother that is the most overt narcissist I've ever seen and

their mother is so enabling that she doesn't comprehend what enabling actually is. Her D has tried to explain it her many times. My MIL really believes that she is not enabling, and simply loves her children more than most other parents love their children. I know it's crazy but I thought that should be mentioned because my uBPDh takes any advise they give to heart and understandably so since my MIL would likely be granted a lifetime achievement award for providing endless NPD supply, if such a thing existed!   

So as for my question about holding on to real hope or prolonging the end of my marriage, I asked that because I can not seem to find stories that talk about things improving significantly over all. If they exist, where are the "happily ever after stories"? If anyone has one or knows of one please tell.   



                                                                                                           

[Teal Green]

This is my first post, however I've been visiting bpdfamily on and off for years. I'm still conflicted on rather or not there is real hope for change and a lasting and happy marriage or if I am holding onto false hope and prolonging the inevitable?

I've been married for over 20 years and my story resembles so many that I've read over the years and is text book on the traits for both BPD and NPD. Two separate therapist have suggested BPD/NPD and my husband will argue that nether one were qualified to diagnose him with anything. It was pointless trying to argue that they both suggested and did not diagnose him and I believed that further therapy with "a qualified" person might be beneficial. And with that (long story short) he does not therapy, but I do and always have according to him, as though he is qualified to make that statement. The funny thing is, I've been seeing a therapist for three years, on a regular basis in the beginning and over time the frequency gradually decreased and I currently go every six weeks.

I stopped arguing a long time ago over the things that I know will not go anywhere and don't have a chance of getting resolved. The last time my husband made it clear (in his mind) that both T's were not qualified to even suggest BPD/NPD I replied, Yes, I am aware of your thoughts on that, you have mentioned it in the past.

One think I think that is important to point out is that my uBPDh has a brother that is the most overt narcissist I've ever seen and

their mother is so enabling that she doesn't comprehend what enabling actually is. Her D has tried to explain it her many times. My MIL really believes that she is not enabling, and simply loves her children more than most other parents love their children. I know it's crazy but I thought that should be mentioned because my uBPDh takes any advise they give to heart and understandably so since my MIL would likely be granted a lifetime achievement award for providing endless NPD supply, if such a thing existed!   

So as for my question about holding on to real hope or prolonging the end of my marriage, I asked that because I can not seem to find stories that talk about things improving significantly over all. If they exist, where are the "happily ever after stories"? If anyone has one or knows of one please tell.   



                                                                                                           

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[Bpdsupporter]

Well my pwBPD and I don't have 20 years but we definitely are very happy. But I had to change alot of things about me and radically accept my partner for who he is. I stop trying to change him and expecting him to be different and really learned how to validate listen and empathize with him. Putting all these skiills into practice works so well. We still have our ups and downs but when I started to focus on my own well being and loving myself more. Our relationship got so much better. He still gets dyaregulateed but the episodes are way less intense and learning how to really listen and validate him has made the big blow out fights we use to have a thing of the past.

All that to say if you begin to focus on yourself loving you get healing inside you can most definitely have a wonderful fulfilling relationship. It takes practice patience and work.