SD11s Graduation

[Thunderstruck]

SD11 graduated from middle school today.

uBPDbm agreed that she would take SD11 to graduation and we would take her home to begin our summer visitation schedule (week on/week off). We even had an agreed order drafted up. Surprise surprise, she never signed it.

After graduation today we go to find SD11 to congratulate her and take her home... .and she was already gone.

We expected it to happen, but I'm still so upset. We didn't even get to take a picture with her or even talk to her. This situation is so unfair.  :'(

[Thunderstruck]

Graduation from Elementary school, not middle school. I'm so frustrated and upset I can't even. blah.

[Nope]

SD knew you were there. Years from now that'll be what matters. DH missed SS's kindergarten graduation because he lived out of state and BPDm wouldn't tell him where she lived or what school the kids were in at the time. (Before the parenting plan.) She also sent SD with her then boyfriend to the Daddy & Daughter Dance that same year.  It was only recently, now that they are older and live with us, that DH was able to explain that he would have dropped everything to be there had he known where they were. They'd been carrying a lot of resentment because they'd been told that he never showed up for anything and then suddenly wanted custody.  

Today SD received an academic award at school. In two weeks SS will be graduating elementary school. BPDm is nowhere to be seen. It's sad for the kids but it does feel like it's our time. Your SD has lots more special events coming. For now just know that nobody will ever be able to tell her you weren't there or you didn't try.

[Catsmother]

I am so sorry that you had to go through that. At least you were able to go.

[Thunderstruck]

SD11 waved to us from across the auditorium. That's the crumb that we got.

Of course uBPDbm says it is all DH's fault.    She feels completely justified in how she behaved.

The going out to celebrate thing, that we can do at any time. I'm not too upset over that, because we've had to do the same with birthdays and holidays.

This is what really upsets me: SD11 just got off the stage, just got her graduation certificate. All her peers were around. All her teachers were around. Her family were all there to see her and congratulate her and tell her how proud they are of her. But she didn't get any of that. Her mom yanked her out of there as quickly as she could. It breaks my heart.

How are we supposed to participate in "shared parenting" with a person who refuses to share?

[sanemom]

She probably won't realize the gravity of it all until she has her own kids.  These kids get so ripped off, and they don't seem to know it.

DSS18 just graduated from high school; he didn't come over or really communicate with us at all the month before graduation so we couldn't organize sending out graduation announcements, a graduation party, etc.  I have a DD who also graduated, and we gave her a graduation party and sent out announcements.  We then had people ask us if DSS was even graduating because they never received an announcement from him, but they did from DD.

After graduation he went off to BPD mom's house where she had invited her family to celebrate with him.  He got nothing from our side since he didn't let them know anything, and we had no idea if/when we would even see him.  He arranged at the last minute to have dinner with us tomorrow to celebrate.