Need someone to talk to

[The determined 1]

Hi there. I'm here to talk to someone about my situation with my Girlfriend who Ive been with for one year and almost 3 months. I love her to pieces and i want the best for her. I'm certain she has BPD. She does not know she has it, she's been to a psychologist that's not specialized with this type of mental health issue. I'm in need for advice because I don't want to give up on her, I want her to be able to get over this. I tried b ringing up this issue once and she kinda deflected it and told me to worry about what I have to work with.

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[Hopeful07]

I've found it to be really hard for my boyfriend to accept that he has this. He still doesn't.  He's in the middle of an episode but he seems to be coming out of it very slowly.  I said to him why don't we just pretend you have BPD and take some steps to treat it and if it helps great, if not there was no harm done. He reluctantly agreed to that but who knows.

[ArleighBurke]

... .I want her to be able to get over this.

That doesn't happen.

From what I've read on this site and in books, she will ALWAYS have BPD. YOU may be able to cope better, and perhaps even stop making things worse, but her behaviours will always be there.

[heartandwhole]

Hi The determined 1



You have come to the right place, and I'm so glad that you decided to reach out. I can fully understand why you don't want to give up on your girlfriend. All of us on this site love or have loved someone with BPD and/or traits—you are not alone. 

You will find lots of resources and tools here to help you have the best relationship you can. And our members have lots of experience to share. While it's normal to want to nudge your loved one to get help for her issues, it's more important to focus on your own patterns of relating that may or may not be contributing to any challenges that you are experiencing. This site has all the information that you need to start looking at your relationship dynamics and improving them.

Can you tell us some of the challenges that you are dealing with in your relationship right now, The determined 1?

Keep writing, it really helps. We are here to support you.

heartandwhole

[C.Stein]

Hello determined 1,

It sounds like you are feeling frustrated by your GF's behavior.   It is commendable you took the time and cared enough to try and find out why she is behaving the way she is.  When I found the connection to BPD and my ex it was 2 months after she discarded me.  I wish I had had the presence of mind to see that there was something deeper going on with her long before that happened.

What behavior have you noticed that leads you to believe she suffers from BPD?  There are a couple of articles on this site that can help answers some questions you might be having.

Is it Borderline Personality Disorder?

DSM Definition: Borderline Personality Disorder

Confronting someone with the knowledge you have gained can be difficult road to travel.  It generally won't be received well as you have discovered.

Based on her deflecting it one might conclude that she is aware there is something wrong but can't quite find a way to accept it.  Would you say this is true?

As you might already know there is no cure for BPD.  At best it can be managed with dedication, hard work and sustained effort on her part.  It will also require a lot of love, patience and understanding on your part.  You will need strong boundaries and emotional strength to endure the dysfunction you may be dealing with.  Have you had a chance to read any of the articles and lessons on communication that are in the box on the right side of the page?

Please feel comfortable sharing more of your story with us.  Getting it down on "paper" will help you make sense of it all.