Newbie. Not sure how this works. But here's my deal

[OldDude]

Uh hello... .

I'm 59.  My wife (2nd wife) is 54.  We've been married 5.5 years. 

I knew she had traits of BPD although she denies that she is - or has in the past.  We don't talk about the BPD subject.  She admits to "major depression" and had had it in the past and also "anxiety".  So when I talk to her about mental health issues it is either depression or anxiety. 

Currently she reports being majorly depressed, is very anxious particularly in the morning.  And often goes off driving sometimes in tears, sometimes not - just sad-mad looking for who knows what reason.  She says she screams in the car sometimes and sits in parking lots and cries. 

We got into an argument about who said what in a relatively innocuous discussion that turned bad suddenly and then she started attacking me and not really making sense (ranting at me for minutes on end and then saying I don't let her talk and interrupt her constantly - and other stuff that was even more bizarre).  This is not new - but was more intense than any difficulty we've had in some years. 

She has driven off and has been staying in a hotel 200 miles away.  We've been texting a bit.  She says she is trying to become un-depressed.  I say ok take your time.

Now. She is resistant to depression treatment - says she doesn't like the state of mind SRIs give or other depression drugs.

When younger age had two bouts of anorexia, had treatment, but says she only recovered after she decided she wanted to. 

I need advice/expertise.  How to attract her to treatment for BPD-trait.  I believe it is the primary problem anyway - but I am not confident that I really know anything. 

Thanks for reading. 

Old Dude

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[once removed]

hi OldDude and

mental illness is challenging to live with for those living with it and those that love them. im glad you found us, this is a great place to get support for yourself, as well as learn skills and tools to help you best support your wife. a great place to start is with the lessons directly to the right. there, you can learn communication tools that can come in very handy for the fights that start off small and escalate (the ones that start off big too).

its interesting that your wife said that she only recovered after she decided she want to; i think this statement applies to everyone, its a very personal choice that must be made on our own, and, for example, pushing can backfire.

can you share a bit more about the history of your relationship, and the dynamics of the relationship - the ways you have tried to support her struggles, as well as what you are able to do as far as taking care of yourself? these will help us to know more and better support you.

please keep posting OldDude. youre in the right place