I'm so sorry to be posting here again in a moment of need when I give nothing in return.
I understand why you might feel this way, but there will come a day when you will be in the place to give back; you do you for now and remember we're all here to help each other.
l I saw a post on his insta saying he was going into crisis then being admitted. I feel (selfishly) hurt that he didnt feel able to tell me how low things had got in the last few days. I called him and he said it's nothing to do with us but I can't help but worry after what happened a few weeks ago. I've reassured that I'm here for him, anytime, and that its just important he is safe. We are in a long distance relationship so I'm selfishly upset I won't see him this weekend.
I would feel upset too; someone you love is having a health crisis and he didn't feel like he could share it with you; that's not on either of you, though. He is unwell; remember that. In my own life, and in my own situation currently, this is one of the hardest things to get a grip on. It's not supposed to make sense, and I'm sure the mods would have a much more nuanced and informational way of conveying that message, but in the end, his reasons almost certainly have nothing to do with trying to hurt you on purpose.
I also suffer with mental illness ... .an eating disorder and depression... yet I'm always the strong one who is coping when actually I want to yell and hurt myself. Ihave no support as I just get by by I'm worried and anxious. I will give him space but be there for him but I feel rubbishn myself and noone in my real life can ever understand this.
I understand the sentiment, even if I can't claim to understand exactly how you feel. My wife has told me for years that she feels worthless and that no one understands her. I cannot tell you how many times she's wanted to hurt herself, and of a few times when she's actually done so. Of how much she wants to yell at the universe. Of how, despite our incredibly blessed lives in almost every other respect, she focuses on the mental illnesses that finally massed together to overwhelm her. It's got to be terrifying for you sometimes.
There are so many people here willing to help however we can, and so many who are going through something very similar to where you are. I'm sorry you're going through this.
