Go on an 11 hour trip with BPD x wife for doctors appointment for child

[Sluggo]

I am in a tough spot. 

I have moved out of house and currently in the middle of a divorce.  The relationship has been very contentious and she has not been giving me all the court ordered time.  We have filed 2 contempts but they have gotten continued. 

My dilemma:  A unexpected doctors visit for 2 of our special need kids. I have 50% legal for medical.  The doctor is 11 hours away.  My xwife is taking all the kids (5 other kids) and spending time at her sisters and cousins.  Previous trips there to the doctors have been difficult with the last one being one of the final straws before I left.  Many times the trips are filled with tension and sometimes her yelling at me, put downs, and just being uncomfortable.   

X asked me if I was going to go?  I didn't respond and then after a couple of days she said if it would be better you could fly and meet me there and then on the weekend after the appointments take our kids to the beach.  She said I will stay back at my stisters.  So I got plane tickets, called her sister and brother in law who I still get along great with and they said I could stay with them also. 

Now xwife is mad because she said I will be taking the easy way and she has all the hard work.  I said she could take the plane I could drive.   She said no.  She said "if you don't drive with me and the kids driving, then I don't want you at my sisters house. 

I don't know if I can tolerate being in the car if she starts becoming belligerent.  After being out of the house since February I am starting to feel more like myself.  More upbeat and not beat down.  I don't want to go back to that dark place of feeling the way I did when I lived with her those last months/years.  However, that would be time I could spend with the my kids and talk with my sister in law and brother in law and their kids. 

Just I don't want to be half way there in a car feeling like I need to just get out of the car and find a way to get home. 

[Turkish]

Tough spot.

My gut instict would be to say, "it's none of your business where I stay, but rather mine and your sister's." 11 hours with an angry and dysregulating person doesn't sound like fun, however, and I would worry about the kids being safe.

You could stick to the plan, and stay with your SIL anyway. End the discussion. The conflict, however, would be shifted 11 hours away to deal with. Her sister and BIL know how she is. Could you all deal with it?

[momtara]

Ugh, the situations they manipulate us into. I'd bring a tape recorder to protect yourself if you're alone, for one thing.