Diagnosis + Treatment
The Big Picture
Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde? [ Video ]
Five Dimensions of Human Personality
Think It's BPD but How Can I Know?
DSM Criteria for Personality Disorders
Treatment of BPD [ Video ]
Getting a Loved One Into Therapy
Top 50 Questions Members Ask
Home page
Forum
List of discussion groups
Making a first post
Find last post
Discussion group guidelines
Tips
Romantic relationship in or near breakup
Child (adult or adolescent) with BPD
Sibling or Parent with BPD
Boyfriend/Girlfriend with BPD
Partner or Spouse with BPD
Surviving a Failed Romantic Relationship
Tools
Wisemind
Ending conflict (3 minute lesson)
Listen with Empathy
Don't Be Invalidating
Setting boundaries
On-line CBT
Book reviews
Member workshops
About
Mission and Purpose
Website Policies
Membership Eligibility
Please Donate
March 29, 2024, 07:03:22 AM
Welcome,
Guest
. Please
login
or
register
.
1 Hour
5 Hours
1 Day
1 Week
Forever
Login with username, password and session length
Board Admins:
Kells76
,
Once Removed
,
Turkish
Senior Ambassadors:
Cat Familiar
,
EyesUp
,
SinisterComplex
Help!
Boards
Please Donate
Login to Post
New?--Click here to register
Survey: How do you compare?
Adult Children Sensitivity
67% are highly sensitive
Romantic Break-ups
73% have five or more recycles
Physical Hitting
66% of members were hit
Depression Test
61% of members are moderate-severe
108
BPDFamily.com
>
Relationship Partner with BPD (Straight and LGBT+)
>
Romantic Relationship | Bettering a Relationship or Reversing a Breakup
> Topic:
Knocked off the pedestal and bitten hard
Pages: [
1
]
Go Down
« previous
next »
Print
Author
Topic: Knocked off the pedestal and bitten hard (Read 470 times)
izzitme
Offline
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Posts: 62
Knocked off the pedestal and bitten hard
«
on:
June 14, 2016, 06:38:41 AM »
I am really hurting right now, along with being so frustrated I can scrape paint off the wall with my fingernails! In my last post I was dealing with his new found porn addiction, and since I have been doing EMDR to heal my own attachment injuries that cause this addiction to hurt me more than it should. I have been very focused on myself and addressing my own codependency issues. He has been feeling that I am pulling away and thinking about leaving him. I reassure him every week that I am dealing with weighty issues and if I seem shut down it isn't him and to please bring it to my attention. His fear built and exploded on me this weekend and I'm shell shocked. He said things that rocked me to my core. He used against me something very painful that a family member said to me and agreed with them after weeks of reassuring me that their perception of me was wrong. I couldn't believe that came out of his mouth. I was a zombie yesterday, I could hardly concentrate at work. He got me believing that I am failing him and everybody and I ended up apologizing and doing everything he asked me to do. This is an endless cycle of him being supportive and loving, satisfying my deepest emotional needs and then the list of all the ways that I am a weak, inadequate failure in the relationship. I always do exactly what he wants and believe his estimate of me because of the periods of how wonderful he is. How can I recover from this latest bout? I have been doing what he says to get back to wonderful. Is this a typical response/cycle? My therapist said it is and she can write the script.
Logged
RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING
This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.
Cat Familiar
Senior Ambassador
Offline
Gender:
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Romantic partner
Posts: 7480
Re: Knocked off the pedestal and bitten hard
«
Reply #1 on:
June 14, 2016, 09:17:07 AM »
Your post reminds me of my first marriage. Instead of porn, it was affairs.
Very similar dynamics: he used things I had disclosed to him in confidence to hurt me, as well as negative things other people, including family members, said about me.
I would constantly apologize and feel shamed. He, on the other hand, was not accountable for his behavior.
He would return to the honeymoon phase and be wonderful and then I would think all the problems in our relationship were my fault. Then, he'd do something that would devastate me.
It seemed like he was always knocking me off balance, trying to keep control in the relationship. I was always in the weak position, reacting to what he was doing. It served him well to undermine my self confidence.
Logged
“The Four Agreements 1. Be impeccable with your word. 2. Don’t take anything personally. 3. Don’t make assumptions. 4. Always do your best. ” ― Miguel Ruiz, The Four Agreements: A Practical Guide to Personal Freedom
Siamese Rescue
Offline
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Posts: 144
Re: Knocked off the pedestal and bitten hard
«
Reply #2 on:
June 21, 2016, 05:55:02 AM »
I can relate. He would make me feel loved and safe and warm to the point where I would share my deepest personal weaknesses with him and mistakes I've made. Within the flip of a switch, he would turn against me and use it against me and side with a woman he claimed he hated. It was always a state of shock. It was always so painful and slicing. I'm dealing with it right now.
Logged
Can You Help Us Stay on the Air in 2024?
Pages: [
1
]
Go Up
Print
BPDFamily.com
>
Relationship Partner with BPD (Straight and LGBT+)
>
Romantic Relationship | Bettering a Relationship or Reversing a Breakup
> Topic:
Knocked off the pedestal and bitten hard
« previous
next »
Jump to:
Please select a destination:
-----------------------------
Help Desk
-----------------------------
===> Open board
-----------------------------
Relationship Partner with BPD (Straight and LGBT+)
-----------------------------
=> Romantic Relationship | Bettering a Relationship or Reversing a Breakup
=> Romantic Relationship | Conflicted About Continuing, Divorcing/Custody, Co-parenting
=> Romantic Relationship | Detaching and Learning after a Failed Relationship
-----------------------------
Children, Parents, or Relatives with BPD
-----------------------------
=> Son, Daughter or Son/Daughter In-law with BPD
=> Parent, Sibling, or In-law Suffering from BPD
-----------------------------
Community Built Knowledge Base
-----------------------------
=> Library: Psychology questions and answers
=> Library: Tools and skills workshops
=> Library: Book Club, previews and discussions
=> Library: Video, audio, and pdfs
=> Library: Content to critique for possible feature articles
=> Library: BPDFamily research surveys
Our 2023 Financial Sponsors
We are all appreciative of the members who provide the funding to keep BPDFamily on the air.
12years
alterK
AskingWhy
At Bay
Cat Familiar
CoherentMoose
drained1996
EZEarache
Flora and Fauna
ForeverDad
Gemsforeyes
Goldcrest
Harri
healthfreedom4s
hope2727
khibomsis
Lemon Squeezy
Memorial Donation (4)
Methos
Methuen
Mommydoc
Mutt
P.F.Change
Penumbra66
Red22
Rev
SamwizeGamgee
Skip
Swimmy55
Tartan Pants
Turkish
whirlpoollife
Loading...