Home page of BPDFamily.com, online relationship supportMember registration here
March 29, 2024, 02:44:56 AM *
Welcome, Guest. Please login or register.

Login with username, password and session length
Board Admins: Kells76, Once Removed, Turkish
Senior Ambassadors: Cat Familiar, EyesUp, SinisterComplex
  Help!   Boards   Please Donate Login to Post New?--Click here to register  
bing
Depression = 72% of members
Take the test, read about the implications, and check out the remedies.
111
Pages: [1]   Go Down
  Print  
Author Topic: Sometimes I feel like the bad guy  (Read 390 times)
Hopeful07

*
Offline Offline

What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Romantic partner
Posts: 33


« on: June 17, 2016, 07:25:17 AM »

I've been having a really hard couple of weeks, my boyfriend had an episode, painted me black for awhile, then came back. He's still not 100% but hopefully soon, I dunno. We've talked about BPD and he doesn't think he has it (shocker) but he was open to go and get a diagnosis.

So he already goes to therapy and group therapy, the problem is his therapist "doesnt like to use labels" whatever that means and is not a fan of saying people have bps, bi polar whatever. (Side not, my boyfriends family dr said he was bi polar years again, BPD seems like a better fit though).  Anyway 3 things have happened that really set me off.

1 was him sharing with his group therapy people that I thought he had BPD, they all laughed... .

2 is he talked about it in individual therapy and his therapist said he absolutely does not have it. They went through this check list of things and my boyfriend said to him I have 5 or 6 of these traits and the therapist actually said well yeah you can put these traits into things you fo, but you don't have BPD... .mind blown (when I looked at the list he had every one of them except suicide/self harm)

Last but not least his therapist then said that I wanted him to be "ill" so he can get on meds and try different therapy so he could be "fixed" and I wouldn't have to worry about if I were the problem in the relationship, if I'm not fulfilling him, stuff like that.

I feel like I'm crazy,  I feel like the bad guy. It's like all I have been doing is researching, trying to use information I have, joining this board for support, trying to do little things to help him (not wanting to totally push) and this is what I get. Now he's telling me he will get a diagnosis but he's sure he doesn't have it. I feel lost and so alone

Logged
RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING
This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

waverider
Retired Staff
*
Offline Offline

Gender: Male
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Romantic partner
Relationship status: married 8 yrs, together 16yrs
Posts: 7405


If YOU don't change, things will stay the same


« Reply #1 on: June 17, 2016, 08:13:55 AM »

It is likely that what he tells the therapist and group is distorted, so their assumptions are not based on reality. Add to this what he tells you their response is, most likely is distorted too.

It takes a while for BPD to often be 'exposed" to anyone outside immediate acquaintances.

This is not unusual,. It is important that you dont get dragged into what third parties may, or may not, think and say. You can easily get caught up in toxic triangulation based on nothing more than layers of misinformation.

BPD is rapid swings in response to situational circumstances (a personality disorder), bi polar is a mood swing, usually slower and more sustained often with no circumstantial trigger(A mood disorder). Bi polar is more of a chemical imbalance and so is more receptive to medications. BPD cant be directly treated with meds, only some of the side issues (anxiety, depression, mood instability) can have the edge taken off. But meds cant change a personality, only dull or agitate it.
Logged

  Reality is shared and open to debate, feelings are individual and real
Hopeful07

*
Offline Offline

What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Romantic partner
Posts: 33


« Reply #2 on: June 17, 2016, 06:35:34 PM »

How does someone ever get diagnosed if they distort the truth?
Logged
waverider
Retired Staff
*
Offline Offline

Gender: Male
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Romantic partner
Relationship status: married 8 yrs, together 16yrs
Posts: 7405


If YOU don't change, things will stay the same


« Reply #3 on: June 17, 2016, 07:59:46 PM »

How does someone ever get diagnosed if they distort the truth?

With difficulty, this is why psychiatrists who are more acutely attuned to the subtle differences rather than general counselors need to be the ones. Even then it is not always obvious straight away.

For partners it is better to just use the techniques incorporated here to cope with the traits as they present themselves, rather than worrying about actual diagnosis, which is no magic pill anyway.,
Logged

  Reality is shared and open to debate, feelings are individual and real
an0ught
Retired Staff
*
Offline Offline

Gender: Male
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Romantic Partner
Relationship status: married
Posts: 5048



« Reply #4 on: June 23, 2016, 02:24:21 PM »

How does someone ever get diagnosed if they distort the truth?

It is hard from the outside. You know that your relationship is very different from the inside than from the outside. So it is hard initially and that is the reason a T will first build a relationship. Lot's of validation and less focus on pushing for change. Once a relationship is there even a T not focusing on BPD will see odd behavior and at least developing a suspicion of BPD should be possible. In general don't extrapolate from the first sessions. But then T's are also human and can be blind-sighted.

It is a really really bad idea to get involved too deeply with what he is doing there. He will need to share some bits, particularly at the beginning and they will not make sense at all to a neutral, reasonable person. Just avoid invalidating, validate a little that he goes, is engaged and aim at the earliest (but not immediately) for distraction, leaving etc... Validate it is HIM doing the work there and you apprechiate it, you are curious of course but then you totally understand the need for respect and boundaries  .
Logged

  Writing is self validation. Writing on bpdfamily is self validation squared!
Can You Help Us Stay on the Air in 2024?

Pages: [1]   Go Up
  Print  
 
Jump to:  

Our 2023 Financial Sponsors
We are all appreciative of the members who provide the funding to keep BPDFamily on the air.
12years
alterK
AskingWhy
At Bay
Cat Familiar
CoherentMoose
drained1996
EZEarache
Flora and Fauna
ForeverDad
Gemsforeyes
Goldcrest
Harri
healthfreedom4s
hope2727
khibomsis
Lemon Squeezy
Memorial Donation (4)
Methos
Methuen
Mommydoc
Mutt
P.F.Change
Penumbra66
Red22
Rev
SamwizeGamgee
Skip
Swimmy55
Tartan Pants
Turkish
whirlpoollife



Powered by MySQL Powered by PHP Powered by SMF 1.1.21 | SMF © 2006-2020, Simple Machines Valid XHTML 1.0! Valid CSS!