Should I stay or should I go?

[rebecca1984]

My husband of 8 years (we have been together for 15 years) has been diagnosed with Bipolar, but treatment for bipolar has been unsuccessful. He has diagnosed himself with BPD. At first I disagreed with him, but the more I am reading about how BPD manifests itself in men, I am starting to think he is right. I was so happy when he was diagnosed with bipolar, because I thought there was a light at the end of the tunnel. Now we are both terrified because BPD is not a treatable condition. His anger gets out of control sometimes, and other times he is calm and collected. His mood swings are getting to be something I cannot take. We have 3 small children who have witnessed him flip out during an argument. I have never done anything to him that should cause him to get so angry with me. I signed up for sickness and health, but I don't know if I can do this anymore. It is not fair to me or my children. I honestly think that if I leave my husband that he will kill himself. I would not be able to live with that, I don't want my kids to lose their dad. He is such a great person until his irrationality and rage takes over. Is there help for my husband and our family, or do I just need to get out?

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[BestVersionOfMe]

I'm sorry to hear about what you are going through.  BPD is totally treatable, but it isn't the kind of thing where you take some pills, you have to do extensive therapy to go through all of that emotional trauma that is causing all of these defense mechanisms to occur.  Nearly all of his strong reactions are coming from his subconscious mind, so I don't even think he knows why some things happen at times. I think you would benefit from reading a ton on the subject and educate yourself.  Embrace hope.

[Grey Kitty]

Hello and welcome here. You're among people who understand the kind of thing you're going thorugh.

I really can't answer if you should stay or go; it really is your choice.

I will say that you can work on learning how to cope better with the illness. What most of us found upon arriving here was that our natural reactions to bad BPD behavior actually make things worse, not better. And that the tools and lessons here helped make a huge difference. There is a ton of good material to read in the sidebar ----->

You can't stop his mood swings. You can protect yourself and your children from them. Can you describe a typical case where he spools up into a rage? We can offer suggestions on what you can do differently.