Wife Giving Silent Treatment, Jealous of My Ex Wife and My Other Kids

[Milko]

Im male, once divorced and have 2 kids living in another country wid my ex wife. Ive been married to my 2nd wife since 2014. She has shown signs of BPD. Very hard to deal wid it. We love to travel and go on vacations. But after traveling a week or to she picks up a fight. Shes been picking on my children from my first marriage. She said she is an outsider, outcast and my children hate her. All of it is not true. But no way i can convince her. She just insist. Repeatedly fights over it

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[Milko]

My wife has been giving me the silent treatment for almost a week now. What triggers her is seeing pictures ( on facebook and my viber)  of my other children living in another country wid my ex wife. She insists she will forever be a mistress. None of this is true. Weve been married since 2014 and have one baby

[Meili]

Greetings and welcome to the family. 

I'm sorry that you've had to find us, but hopefully it will ultimately prove to be a good thing for you. There is a lot of useful information here. If you haven't already, it may help you to learn more about personality disorders. You can read a bit about BPD HERE. Why do you think that she might be a person with BPD (pwBPD)? What other traits is she exhibiting?

I can understand your confusion about your wife's response to the situation. I think that it would confuse most people. I assure you that it makes perfect sense in her mind though. Even though each person's situation is unique, if you read through the posts of the others on the boards you'll start to get a better understanding the difference between how a disordered person views the world.

I hope that you'll keep us posted!

[Grey Kitty]

Shes been picking on my children from my first marriage. She said she is an outsider, outcast and my children hate her. All of it is not true. But no way i can convince her. She just insist. Repeatedly fights over it

Yes, that is a tough situation. There is a limit to what you can do, but let me suggest you aim for the middle ground.

She's insisting on a bunch of stuff that isn't true, that your children hate her, for instance.

You can't agree with that--it isn't true.

But she is really feeling horrible, hurt, and rejected because of it, and her feelings are real.

So if you tell her it isn't true, (to her), it is like telling her that her feelings are wrong, what we around here call invalidating her feelings. And that is unpleasant for anybody, and if she has BPD, probably really sets her off and makes things worse.

Your easiest middle option is to just refuse to discuss it with her, as it just gets her riled up and makes things crazier.

Are you on a vacation with her now, or do you have one scheduled soon this summer that you are worried about?