My husbands ex is a BPD and has primary custody of my stepkids

[Before you can make things better, you have to stop making them worse...]

Hi! I'm new to this community. My husbands ex is the BPD, but she is poisoning my step kids to the point where they destroy property almost every time they come over. Anyone else dealing with this?

[Sunlover]

Hi! I'm new to this community. My husbands ex is the BPD, but she is poisoning my step kids to the point where they destroy property almost every time they come over. Anyone else dealing with this?

[david]

How old are the kids ?

[ForeverDad]

The problem with dealing directly with DH's ex is that she almost surely doesn't see DH (your Dear Husband) as having any authority despite being the other parent.  So any changes he wants to make to get improvement will surely be resisted.

Has he tried to get them into counseling?  Obviously, she will object but if he gets court to agree, then the court, as the Real Authority, can order counseling. If he gets that the the next problem is to make sure the kids see an experienced counselor and not one who can be gullible and influenced by an emotionally convincing/overwhelming parent with BPD.

Until then, it's possible the school's counselor may have a little bit of an effect.

Seeing this is your first post, please browse around, there are skills, ideas and strategies described here that would be very help for both of you.