Hi Gampopa21,
your problem is not that your wife is crying. The problem are overwhelming emotions that rule your wife. Crying is releasing emotions so that is a positive thing. Seriously, not kidding here!
When you try to console your wife you probably want to stop her crying. The naive and culturally accepted way is telling her things are not so really bad and will turn better soon. That is invalidating and is making matters worse - and predictably your wife becomes aggressive.
You want to do the right things but pwBPD are very, very sensitive about how you go about it. You really have to do the right things in the exactly right way. Please study the LESSONS and in particular the workshops on validation. When she is crying she is mostly out of reach. Accepting that is hard initially. Often it is enough to show that you know she is desperate and you'll be there when she has calmed down. Giving her space is important - otherwise you simply will be seen as the cause for her troubles.
,
a0
