Trying to save marriage

[MMarie]

Hello!
My husband seems to have a narcissistic personality disorder. We have known each other for five years and we have a little three years old daughter. Over the course of the relationship I have lost a lot of my self-confidence and we have had a lot of arguments. Recently I decided to leave him, but after we had a long discussion I decided to try to work on our relationship. I am always a little bit afraid of being manipulated and I would like to help him learning not to be that demanding with his family -- especially because I want my daughter to grow up to a happy and self-confident young woman
I am looking for resources for him to consider his effect on me and to work on his behaviour. I also need to build up my self-confidence with him and in general and to get rid of a lot of stress (also work related) that makes everything in my life more complicated than it should be.

[PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES]

PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members may appear frustrated but they are here for constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[Meili]

Hello MMarie 

While these boards are geared toward Borderlines, a lot of the lessons that are learned here can be applied to all relationships.

Building self-confidence can be hard. It can be even harder when in a relationship with a disordered person. But, hard does not mean impossible!

One thing that might help is establishing and enforcing boundaries. This will curtail negative treatment of you, and that will help to provide a place for self-confidence to grow. There is a good article on boundaries here:

Setting Boundaries and Setting Limits

Self-confidence can also be gained by trying new things and taking pride in your accomplishments. Are there any new things that you've been wanting to try but haven't for whatever reason?

[livednlearned]

Over the course of the relationship I have lost a lot of my self-confidence and we have had a lot of arguments.

I understand, the same thing happened in my relationship. It's hard to have self-confidence when your most trusted partner is cutting you down.

Do you feel comfortable sharing what some of the arguments have been like? That may help us look at potential solutions to trouble spots, in the hopes it can lessen some of the stress.

Glad you found the site. It helps to have others to walk with you through these relationship dynamics.

LnL