I've allowed my life to be taken over

[Cyndy]

Hi there, My daughter is 34 years old. She has been diagnosed with BPD with Narcissistic tendencies. I have just found out. I have read a lot, seeing everything it has caused. She has lost my three grandchildren to CPS but, they are all safe and happy now. My daughter also has been diagnosed with Hep C, the self-destructive behaviour has led to drug addiction, alcoholism, prostitution, Stealing to sell food to others for money, as well as the need to eat herself. I have obsessed over my daughter for decades, making my son and his family and everyone around me back away for their own sanity, It is time I tool my life back. I love my daughter with all of my heart but it has torn me my entire apart as well as made me unhealthy isn so many ways. Considering the behaviour described in the readings I've seen have been going on for decades it is going to be difficult but a must; I have to learn to change my mindset from having my life ruled by her actions to learning who I am again. I have lost myself, my family, friends all in the midst of my daughters illness. We really do isolate in order to hide the effects of this awful mental disorder

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[Mutt]

Hi Cyndy,



I'm sorry to hear that. I can see how difficult that would be on loved ones when a family member has an un-diagnosed mental illness. Don't be hard on yourself  It sounds like she's getting help if she got a diagnosis? You'll find that you' fit right in, many members here share similar experiences and can offer you guidance and support. You're not alone. You'll find the lessons at the top of the board. How old are your grand-kids? It helps to talk.

[lbjnltx]

Hi Cyndy,

Welcome to the Parenting Board, I'm glad that you found us.

It sounds like you are ready to make some major changes in how you deal with the hurt and disruption in your life... .that is good. 

Do you have any contact with your d34?  What kind of issues do you face with her now?

I look forward to hearing back from you and learning more about you and your family.

lbj

[penny52]

Hi Cyndy,you came to the right place, I started out here by just reading other peoples posts and learned I wasn't alone with feeling angry, frustrated, lonely and very sad.  Then I started working my way through the help articles posted here and pickup a couple of books they have recommended, Stop Walking on Eggshells was my favorite and also I Hate You Don't Leave Me. Little by little I learned I have to respect myself and have boundaries and how to talk to my undiagnosed daughter (27) without judgement and to let her live her life. I still have moment tho... . So keep coming to this site, they can help you to understand what makes up a BPD, and how to live with this in a healthy manner for you, your daughter and the rest of the family, it will get just a bit better everyday.

[wendydarling]

Hi Cyndy

I join Mutt, Lbj and Penny52 welcoming you to the parenting board. I'm glad your daughter has received a diagnosis, my 27 year old daughter was so relieved (this time last year) though not everyone feels that way. It helped her understand there is an alternative to living in pain and confusion, there is help and support and that it is her responsibility to work hard to recover, with our support and deep respect. How has your daughter received the diagnosis?

Daughter is a few months into outpatient DBT and increasingly as time passes we increasingly converse about how the skills help us in our daily lives. It's a very special conversation, I'm immensely touched, she is too, I feel the relief she feels that I understand, we are getting on the same page, her BPD, life.

You've taken a great step to look after yourself, joining our community, it was my first step too, the best life decision for me and for my daughter. 

I'm sorry you have felt isolated for so long and glad you are here to learn and make changes. That's what I have accomplished over the last eight months since I joined, and continue to do.

Everyone is here to help you and each other.

WDx