Fear, fear and more fear

[JerryRG]

Hello everyone

Laying here after my son finally fell asleep, he was wild tonight and at one point was trying to lick my face, laughing so hard I'm sure our neighbors were getting annoyed.

Anyway I realize something tonight that may have an influence in my life.

My dad drank, he would get really drunk about once a week, he would usually return home around 10 or 11pm and the fighting, arguing, name calling would begin and continue until early morning.

My point? I seem to get more fearful at night, evening and I just don't have any reason to except maybe I'm remembering my past.

I asked my sponsor what to do about my son's mother's request to discuss our son and my sponsor is tired of me talking about this whole mess.

I reach out for help at night, why?

I start thinking about my exgf and I'm off to the races. Last night it was her having an "emergency" and that got me thinking about her suicide attempts and gestures.

Such a stressful thing and by now I don't believe I need care what she does, just being aware her crazy lies and drama are upsetting if I listen to her even fir s few seconds.

Maybe this is another reason it's so difficult to let go, I never know what she's doing or thinking or planning.

I just have to expect that whatever she's doing to get my attention cannot be good.

[UnforgivenII]

When that time of night approaches, start praying.
I imagine Jesus holding my heart. Literally. I see Him with His hand in my chest, walking near me.

And the anguish cannot touch me. I won't allow it. And He won't allow it.

[married21years]

i your sponsor probably was having a bad day

look one thing that i notice about you is that you care and worry about others

so my question is who does the worrying about jerry ?

 

[Herodias]

Yes, you are a worrier... .it takes one to know one ; )  You are really trying to figure all of this out... .yes, could be past issues with your father and could be past issues with your ex... .sometimes night is when people get the loneliest though and that may be when you start reaching out as well. I have been kind of busy with my sister and her family in town... .not all joyful stuff, let me tell you. Her husbands father just passed away yesterday and we have been dealing with my Mom and and step dad and their issues. Sometimes I post things on here and no one says anything which makes me feel even crazier! I know my sisters get mad at me for talking about this stuff... .I was even told I was sick for even look at a picture of my ex! None of this makes you feel good. It's hard when you want to get out your thoughts, but everyone around you tells you to move on and stop talking about it. You get afraid to open your mouth! Especially when you go somewhere for support and then you feel like you can't say anything. I understand. I think we are ultra-sensitive people. That is what I have been told most of my life, so it would make sense now. We want to understand why and how everything works. Only thing is, we won't ever truly understand and somehow have to try and stop figuring it all out and get busy doing something else. I can tell you that being busy has really helped me allot. I really believe both of our exes are unhappy people in unhappy situations. There is nothing we can do about it and nothing we should do about it. They have to. We can only help ourselves. Life is really hard... .I wish I knew how to trust people again. I think that is the problem I am having... .Sometimes it feels like no one out there cares about anything anymore. It's really sad.