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Author Topic: My attitude is crumbling  (Read 417 times)
JerryRG
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What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Posts: 1832


« on: August 07, 2016, 05:17:00 PM »

Hello everyone

I'm in a bad place, I'm losing ground in my fight to take care of my son and deal with my emotions about his mother. 4 days no contact and her not asking about our son.

I'm getting even more angry at my exgf for behaving this way, she hasn't changed, never will, it's me doing this to me. And I'm losing the fight to just let go and see the big picture. I see her laying around spending our sons money and sleeping in late, staying up late all while I'm taking care of our son and wearing myself out.

I need to do something to fix my attitude and stop getting so angry at my son's mother.

As always I have no way of understanding her so I'm left fighting a ghost.

My son needs me, I need peace and sanity. I need to get well and stay well. Maybe I'm missing too many meetings, I'm not sure. I don't like being, thinking, feeling this way.
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Herodias
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Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Posts: 1787


« Reply #1 on: August 07, 2016, 05:25:28 PM »

I think anger comes and goes... .you need to take care of you somehow too. Do you have someone who can babysit so you can get to a meeting... .his Grandparents maybe? She really needs to help you. Maybe you need to get tough and make her grow up. Maybe you have been taking on all of the responsibility yourself and should't ... .that is what we tend to do. I don't have a good answer for you... .I am sorry you are going through this. 
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pjstock42
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What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Posts: 284


« Reply #2 on: August 07, 2016, 05:28:27 PM »

Jerry,

Your situation is much more complex than mine due to the involvement of children but I do understand to some extent what you are feeling. This entire detachment/healing process seems to be a never-ending loop of "1 step forward 2 steps back" and you and I are both on one of the regressive days of this journey. All I can say is that there are people here (such as myself) who care about you and want you to be better and at peace. I'm sorry that I cannot provide much concrete guidance here due to my lack of experience with your specific issues but I just wanted you to know that we're rooting for you.
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JerryRG
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What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Posts: 1832


« Reply #3 on: August 07, 2016, 05:28:48 PM »

Thanks Blue

Yeah that's me, codependent caretaker, it is easy to get overwhelmed when it involves children. I get into trouble quickly when I don't provide good care for myself.
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Lilyroze
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What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Posts: 337



« Reply #4 on: August 07, 2016, 05:38:29 PM »

Jerry  

Do you mean child support? If so at this point agree it is frustrating.  If you are becoming what seems like full time caretaker is it possible to get child support stopped?
 
It seems she has him very little now. Maybe at this point full custody for you might solve it all. Shame she never even asks how he is. But remember much is about them, not about others most times.

I know how you feel my sbxBPD  never asks about our son, to talk to him, but rambles about some kids he plays on-line games with,co workers and when he was  around his on-line chicks... .So bizarre and hurtful. Hurtful to me, my son seems to want nothing to do with him at this point. So just as well.

I stayed helping him thinking he was ill for years and could die eventually. Wanted to give him and my son time, show my son responsibility with loved one. To no avail. He is fine now, and wants nothing to do with son, never really has. I had to face it, seems son did before I did.

I have had to look at the disease and him for what he is. Let it go, and no longer care what he does, how he does it or with whom. I will give my son the love he needs and hope others in his life help in that role as well.

Should add be-careful what you wish for.  In getting painted white now and a few other times he now tries to talk to my son when picking up something outside etc for his car, or once got this new car to end all this seems to want to connect with us all again. Wants no divorce etc for 3 years? Huh? No just no. I think only because he realizes in court he doesn't have a leg to stand on, looks really bad right now, and I want this done. Am moving on with my life, no more chaos, drama or care taking a grown man child. I have no time for that any more.
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JerryRG
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What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Posts: 1832


« Reply #5 on: August 07, 2016, 05:46:27 PM »

Thanks pjstock42, Lilyroze

I'm just angry that she don't seem to care at about our son.

Just talked to my sponsor, he said I was feeling sorry for myself and I need to get centered by doing the things I normally do. Darn it makes me angry most because I think I'm being taken advantage of.

My focus isn't on what my son needs, I'm way off center. Oh well just have to make a new beginning right now.


Thanks again everyone, pwBPD are a real pain in the a##
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JerryRG
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What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Posts: 1832


« Reply #6 on: August 07, 2016, 08:45:49 PM »

Got this email tonight.


I miss you son, momma was just seen again and still am very sick.  5 more days until the new antibiotic and if that's a no go mommy will be in hospital. Give him kisses for me plz


I still do not respond so I don't know any details. No answers, only questions.

Thank you all for your support. Have a great evening.
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Herodias
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Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Posts: 1787


« Reply #7 on: August 07, 2016, 09:05:01 PM »

It is like the boy who cried wolf... .I tried to tell mine this too... .one day it will be true and no one will believe her. Sad. So sorry... .
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married21years
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What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Romantic partner
Posts: 609



« Reply #8 on: August 08, 2016, 02:08:37 AM »

there are only 2 things that matter at the moment

you and your son

try to put worrying about your ex on hold and leave her to your higher power

you are doing really well in a bad situation.

  Doing the right thing (click to insert in post)
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JerryRG
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What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Posts: 1832


« Reply #9 on: August 08, 2016, 05:04:42 AM »

Thank you Blue, married21years

Talked to a pastor who knows me and has followed this for years, he said she's trying to control me and using our son. He believes she's trying to break me, to force me into collapes, destroy me.

Then I realized just how many times I told her in the past that she will not destroy me, I will not allow it. I'm a fighter, I've had to be to stay alive. She picked the wrong man to try to destroy. She will only destroy herself.

She cannot accept my life changes, she cannot face her own misery and so she tried to bring me down with her.

I warned her I would walk away, just like her ex husband told her that he will divorce her if she refused to do the right thing and work to get well.

Yes, my son needs me, I need myself and she can wallow in her pain and misery as she chooses.

Thanks everyone, I didn't know and now that I do you have reminded me what I'm fighting for. Living this life, seeing the beauty and not looking back.
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married21years
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What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Romantic partner
Posts: 609



« Reply #10 on: August 08, 2016, 05:20:32 AM »

way to go super star  Doing the right thing (click to insert in post)
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