Bpd husband's behavior has returned. Need help

[2long4sp]

Hi, been a long time, but here I am again. My husband is the child of a uBPD mother, & has had BPD since I met him some 50 yrs ago. Didn't recognize it then , of course. Any way, in about the 25th year of our marriage, his BPD raged against me & my daughter (then 17 living home). Abusive, even violent. Have used BPD techniques of managing his illness & read endless tutorials, but it appears it has reared its ugly head again. Latent for years, with no realtime provocations he has become nasty toward me, cursing me & demeaning me ( like he did in the "good ol days). Is this age related? He is 70. It is so painful when he verbally abuses me. What should be my reaction to this. If I ignore it, it would appear that it gives him permission to continue. I do not want to be cursed at & talked down to. I realize it's his illness but that doesn't make it less painful. I have let him know this is not acceptable.
  Best part is, to the outside world, he is Mr Nice Guy. Everybody loves him. But to me, it's a different story.
  I am back on the BPD website looking for support.

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[Mutt]

Hi Frankee4sp,



I'd like to welcome you back to bpdfamily.  That's great that you have used techniques to help your r/s. I'm happy that you chose our forum for support but I'm sad about how difficult things are for you right now. Are you safe at the moment? It helps to talk to people that can relate with you. It helps to talk.

[isilme]

Hi - I think it's a bit cyclic, and some people report that age can affect it like anything else.

We had some rocky years with lots of rages, and I found this site, and trying the tools things seemed to improve, but I'm noticing about one major rage a month again.  We are both 39, been together since 19.  I'm not sure what to say about how to respond - when possible, I become busy and go run an errand.  I'd rather have the silent treatment than an overt rage with yelling and screaming.  I know the silent treatment is bad, too, but I can deal with that much better.  My problem is of late this seems to happen when I am physically unable to take a break and get out. 

Anyway, sorry it's getting worse - hope a handle can be found for it again.

[Turkish]

Frankee4sp,

It must be shocking to be in a situation like that you thought was long past. Do you feel safe right now?

T.