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VIDEO: "What is parental alienation?" Parental alienation is when a parent allows a child to participate or hear them degrade the other parent. This is not uncommon in divorces and the children often adjust. In severe cases, however, it can be devastating to the child. This video provides a helpful overview.
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Author Topic: I must never forget the horror  (Read 395 times)
JerryRG
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Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
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« on: August 21, 2016, 08:48:45 AM »

I think the difficult part of dealing with my exgf is that I try to burry the memories of the horror and try moving on thinking and believing she will change one day.

The other part is self protection, trying to remember the hoorible events so I do not let down my guard.

Like eveything in life, it is a delicate balance.

She's done everything she can to stay envolved in my life and I learned a long time ago I cannot go back or even engage her without putting my wellbeing in jeopardy.

She is toxic and sick and I will not play her games any longer.

She sends me paragraphs of emails, I respond with 5 words, it is painful to read through the crazy, I never know what she's really doing.

I look at her as if we have gone a complete cycle, she's right where she was when we met. Hopeless.

She has gotten worse, I have no hope she will get well

This is not good for our son.

He deserves so much more.

When I recover from the effects of the chemo our lives will return to calm, just have to keep pushing forward.

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FallBack!Monster
Formerly AudB73, Back2Me16
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What is your sexual orientation: Gay, lesb
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Posts: 515



« Reply #1 on: August 21, 2016, 09:05:36 AM »

I think the difficult part of dealing with my exgf is that I try to burry the memories of the horror and try moving on thinking and believing she will change one day.

The other part is self protection, trying to remember the hoorible events so I do not let down my guard.

Like eveything in life, it is a delicate balance.

She's done everything she can to stay envolved in my life and I learned a long time ago I cannot go back or even engage her without putting my wellbeing in jeopardy.

She is toxic and sick and I will not play her games any longer.

She sends me paragraphs of emails, I respond with 5 words, it is painful to read through the crazy, I never know what she's really doing.

I look at her as if we have gone a complete cycle, she's right where she was when we met. Hopeless.

She has gotten worse, I have no hope she will get well

This is not good for our son.

He deserves so much more.

When I recover from the effects of the chemo our lives will return to calm, just have to keep pushing forward.


I. Feel so exhausted today. I decided to log on to BPD family and I see this.  Hello GerryRG, seems we're sharing the same feelings today. Only, I want nothing else but to forget the bad stuff. I'm trying my best as a human being to look at my ex from a different angle. I am failing at it.

I think of different ways to approach the situation. I'm searching and reaching, but the only way is either she's erased or I go to "see" and start a new look.

This is important, I say, bc holding grudges and resentment is not healthy.  But how can I reach out and spend sometime with my ex and move on from the past experiences when it's impossible.

My guard is also up, but letting in or totally letting go are the only options I have left. But I don't like them. Hate is never a good thing. 

I'm sorry you're going through chemo. I've heard how exhausting and debilitating that can be.

Besides the above, how are you feeling today?
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JerryRG
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« Reply #2 on: August 21, 2016, 09:17:09 AM »

Thank you FallBack!Monster

I'm angry because my son wants to be active and I cannot right now, missing out on other events because I have a cold and couching so don't want to spread it around.

I'm a whimp when I'm sick, rely on physical strength for so much.

Just pooped out and work tomorrow, heads pounding, feel like I got run over by a truck Laugh out loud (click to insert in post).

Exgf is probably dreaming up another round of "fake" illnesses so she don't have to look for work. Live off our sons child support and I pay all the bills. Somethings very wrong with this system.

Thanks for your concern

I try to see my exgf for who she is, she's sick

I am happy I'm not around her, I just kept waiting for the fun personality to show up once in a while.

I want to forget her, forgive her, but she keeps adding new reasons to not want to even acknowledge she exists.

Hope your feeling better soon
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FallBack!Monster
Formerly AudB73, Back2Me16
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« Reply #3 on: August 21, 2016, 09:44:33 AM »

JerryRG, I guess I'm okay today. I woke up feeling like this but I made plans to enjoy today too. I know she will be on my mind today all day. I just hope my tongue doesn't get as sore as last night from drinking 

I understand about the sick ex. My ex is and poor thing she doesn't know it. The good news is, I am back with my normal friends. They have forgiven me and we still have much in common. My ex tried to break us up but real friends don't abandoned you. We are riders for life.

Take care of that head, unless you "enjoy" feeling like you got ran over by a truck. I know I don't "enjoy" the feeling on my tongue. But here I go again. Trying to live life as normal as I can.  She would always be delusional.  Doing the right thing (click to insert in post)
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JerryRG
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« Reply #4 on: August 21, 2016, 10:04:57 AM »

Thank you FallBack!Monster

Life is so peaceful now, that took a long time to adjust to, got caught up in all the chaos and drama and became very addictive. I remember telling my dear friend who just passed away last week, life is so calm now, almost boring, she said "nothing wrong with peace"

My exgf tried to isolate me from everyone too, even her family, I'm sure she didn't want them knowing the things she was doing.

Things will be ok, I have faith, not much faith after allowing a sick person destroy my self worth and dismantle my life. The scary part is why I was so willing to give so much. I should be thankful I'm alive let alone thriving from this mess. My ego doesn't like the fact that even though she did her best to destroy me completely, I came out of it a better person, stronger, wiser and in a better place than I could ever imagined.

Yes, I'm a brat and want things my way, if I had my way I would have died from all the bad choices a long, long time ago.

You ride? As in motorcycle?
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FallBack!Monster
Formerly AudB73, Back2Me16
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Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Posts: 515



« Reply #5 on: August 21, 2016, 10:34:43 AM »

Thanks for asking Jerry. I'm sure you're a rider otherwise you would have taken noticed. I'm still taking lessons. Trying to be an expert.

I'm glad to hear you say life is peaceful now.  Im surprise with you comment about your ex. My ex never showed the mental capacity to care to hide her lifestyle from her family. Sorry you lost a good friend.  I'm glad you're thriving. When life gives you lemons; huh?  But the good effort was yours so don't forget that.

Mine did her best for me to lose an income, friends, family, etc. But I'm like skin. Eventually heal. She will never.

If you had it your way? your life is better now why do you feel that way?  And are you really a rider or rather ride, on a bike?








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JerryRG
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Posts: 1832


« Reply #6 on: August 21, 2016, 10:57:25 AM »

Yep, love motorcycles and owned one for a while, started having kids and put it away and eventually sold it. Nothing like the experience of the free road and horses ready to deliver at the twist of the throttle.

I had no goals in life, didn't care, stagnant. Got involved with this woman and it was hell right from the beginning, thinking I could save her from her demons.

Lost my job because I allowed her to hound and harass me at work. Found a better job and though I was moving up at my old job, and my boss still likes me, he just couldn't afford to have me there with my mind so distracted.

Started attending Alanon and got booted over to AA and through those programs I learned enough to know I was in a no win situation. Then learning about BPD on this site sealed the deal.

So it's been a tough road but it woke me up to so much, and I began the journey of healing. It just takes time to move past these relationships and rid ourselves of the deadly toxins left behind.

I have a beautiful son, his mother abused drugs while pregnant so I'm blessed and he's blessed for no handicaps or damage.

Yes, she's a wreck, total train wreck and now she's hanging on to a guy who's even worse mentally than her, she's just bying time until she hits that wall I did and all of us had to in order to pick up the pieces and start over, the right way.

I forgot to mention I ride bicycles too, great exercise and I ride just as fast and fearious on it as well.

What do you ride and what else is good in your life?
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FallBack!Monster
Formerly AudB73, Back2Me16
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Gender: Female
What is your sexual orientation: Gay, lesb
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Posts: 515



« Reply #7 on: August 21, 2016, 11:35:46 AM »

Yep, love motorcycles and owned one for a while, started having kids and put it away and eventually sold it. Nothing like the experience of the free road and horses ready to deliver at the twist of the throttle.

I had no goals in life, didn't care, stagnant. Got involved with this woman and it was hell right from the beginning, thinking I could save her from her demons.

Lost my job because I allowed her to hound and harass me at work. Found a better job and though I was moving up at my old job, and my boss still likes me, he just couldn't afford to have me there with my mind so distracted.

Started attending Alanon and got booted over to AA and through those programs I learned enough to know I was in a no win situation. Then learning about BPD on this site sealed the deal.

So it's been a tough road but it woke me up to so much, and I began the journey of healing. It just takes time to move past these relationships and rid ourselves of the deadly toxins left behind.

I have a beautiful son, his mother abused drugs while pregnant so I'm blessed and he's blessed for no handicaps or damage.

Yes, she's a wreck, total train wreck and now she's hanging on to a guy who's even worse mentally than her, she's just bying time until she hits that wall I did and all of us had to in order to pick up the pieces and start over, the right way.

I forgot to mention I ride bicycles too, great exercise and I ride just as fast and fearious on it as well.

What do you ride and what else is good in your life?

It's funny you should ask in thag manner. My ex use to always ask questions of that type but she always had a hidden agenda. But I'm so glad you sound better. I have to find my glasses now. Rider? Good job.
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JerryRG
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What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Posts: 1832


« Reply #8 on: August 21, 2016, 11:41:12 AM »

Thank you FallBack!Monster

Enjoy the ride
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FallBack!Monster
Formerly AudB73, Back2Me16
*****
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Gender: Female
What is your sexual orientation: Gay, lesb
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Posts: 515



« Reply #9 on: August 21, 2016, 12:04:40 PM »


Excerpt
I had no goals in life, didn't care, stagnant. Got involved with this woman and it was hell right from the beginning, thinking I could save her from her demons.
Glad things are better now.

Excerpt
Lost my job because I allowed her to hound and harass me at work. Found a better job and though I was moving up at my old job, and my boss still likes me, he just couldn't afford to have me there with my mind so distracted
Distracted with her harassment? Work needs your attention. It's not mechanical. Neither are we. 

Excerpt
Started attending Alanon and got booted over to AA and through those programs I learned enough to know I was in a no win situation. Then learning about BPD on this site sealed the deal.

What exactly was it you learned that seal the deal?

Excerpt
So it's been a tough road but it woke me up to so much, and I began the journey of healing. It just takes time to move past these relationships and rid ourselves of the deadly toxins left behind.
Yes I got a complete physical to make sure I was fine after that. I only sometimes miss the cakes. She had a business making cake but she gave others cakes away to anybody. And who wld dare to do business with someone like that. We were thriving in the business. At least i thought we did. I spoke and told her stop given them away. It bad for business and the company will lose its value. But I told you about her mental capacity. So no good. She still has slept customers but she lost. I got what I brought in and got to h.ll out of there. But she's happy with nothing so no one is unhappy.

I have a beautiful son, his mother abused drugs while pregnant so I'm blessed and he's blessed for no handicaps or damage.
. GLAD TO HERE THIS

Excerpt
Yes, she's a wreck, total train wreck and now she's hanging on to a guy who's even worse mentally than her, she's just bying time until she hits that wall I did and all of us had to in order to pick up the pieces and start over, the right way.

I forgot to mention I ride bicycles too, great exercise and I ride just as fast and fearious on it as well.

Excerpt
What do you ride and what else is good in your life?
Just dealing and wheeling. I found a new bakery not sure about the wedding cakes yet. But if I love it I will invest in the business.
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