My first post here

[CGM]

I'm feeling really bothered today about my long-term partner wUBNPD.   What I'm feeling today is what I have to, what I must suppress which is my wish for two things from my relationship. One being for companionship, caring, compassion, patience & understanding, fun & laughter, joy & happiness, affection & love, mutual & shared interests, social activities... .  The other being that I I don't care about any of this.  The former I'd be fulfilled & happy and the latter I'd be free!  But neither will come about.  I feel that it's not that my partner can't or won't provide the former but that due to his illness doesn't have it in him & is just incapable. 

[PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES]

PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members may appear frustrated but they are here for constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[Meili]

Relationships with people who show traits of B/NPD can be very trying (to say the least) at times, can't they? But, I'm not sure that I understand what you meant here:

What I'm feeling today is what I have to

Can you please explain?

To be honest, it is possible for either of those wishes to come true. You just have to decide which one you really want. Of course, I don't live in some Pollyanna world where I think that wishing can heal/fix/change someone though. In fact, I am adamantly against the idea of anyone trying to heal/fix/change someone who is not asking for help. Even then, the best that can be expected is to help someone do those things.

If you can give us some more insight into what's going on, and you would like for us to do so, we might be able to help you work through some of these things and bring you closer to what you want.

[CGM]

Hi,

I've signed up a year ago & have been prompted to post by the moderators but haven't till now so today finally giving it a shot.  I'm just venting my frustrations that have been building up over the past few weeks. I was disregarded over the weekend & this can drive me up the wall. Not always but this weekend I couldn't put up with any more.  I can usually handle this but I've had a breaking point. I've not reached out like this before but have done to do so to calm down.  I simply want to live a normally in this male same sex relationship of over 30 years but it is not likely that I ever will & this saddens me more that it frustrates me.

I'm reading the "Stop Caretaking" book which has been the most insightful and most relevant of all the BPD books I've read so far I'm going to put it into practice for myself.  What is mentioned there is to not go through this alone and it is my hope to feel less so now within the BPD family.

[Meili]

Venting is good. We encourage venting around here!

I'm sorry that you were disregarded over the weekend. That's a horrible thing to do to somebody, much less someone that you've spent the last 30 years of your life with!

Keep venting, and we'll keep responding to let you know that you're not alone; because you're not. We're all here because we dealt with the same or similar things in our relationships. We can all relate in some way to the struggles. And, I'm sure that after 30 years, you'll have some valuable insight and wisdom to share with others on how to make things last.