Control, why do pwBPD control

[Beware of Junk Psychology...]

Hello everyone

Talking to my son's grandmother, exgfs mother

Her response to everything her daughter does and says to me is "control"

Ok, I understand what control is, can anyone tell me why my exgf wants to control me?

I've heard this from so many different people but I still fail to understand if she has let go of me, why try to control me?

I've made it clear, I will not ever be with her again, and to prove it, I've almost cut our communication down to zero. She sends pages, I respond with one sentance.

Has she detached? Will she ever?

What else can I do to close this deal?

[JerryRG]

Hello everyone

Talking to my son's grandmother, exgfs mother

Her response to everything her daughter does and says to me is "control"

Ok, I understand what control is, can anyone tell me why my exgf wants to control me?

I've heard this from so many different people but I still fail to understand if she has let go of me, why try to control me?

I've made it clear, I will not ever be with her again, and to prove it, I've almost cut our communication down to zero. She sends pages, I respond with one sentance.

Has she detached? Will she ever?

What else can I do to close this deal?

[fromheeltoheal]

Hi Jerry-

Has she detached? Will she ever?

What else can I do to close this deal?

Borderlines can use control to manage the emotional distance in the relationship, since a borderline constantly fears abandonment and engulfment, which are opposing fears.  So if a borderline's partner can be controlled, they won't get too close and they won't leave, so the borderline feels better.

And borderlines hate to lose an attachment, it's the worst thing that can happen, so the one to sever the attachment is you Jerry, we detach, borderlines don't think that way, they think in terms of replacing a lost attachment.

[JerryRG]

Thank you

So all I am or was, was an attachment?

And I'm doing my best to close the loop.

Being told I destroyed her and my son by getting him full time into the best daycare in town (over 2 year waiting list) and caring for him for a month so she can get over another silky illness seems more than control.

Seems to be she's the one trying to destroy my confidence, and playing down the good I do for our son, and twisting facts to shape an alternative reality to the truth. Unless these facts are not what she sees?

Many people suggest she wants me to fail as a father so she can us this as more victum status.

I'm starting to see her more clearly, anger is being replaced with pity, empathy for her.

High strangeness

Thank you fromheeltoheal

[JerryRG]

Reading my devotions

One thing I realized is my exgf trying to make me feel guilty, that guilt is control, once I feel guilty the guilt limits me to do good things for myself. It keeps me stuck in the past, trapped in the past. Yes I made mistakes, I can and am getting well. That is all anyone can do.

Let go and move on... .

[FallBack!Monster]

[quote>
Ok, I understand what control is, can anyone tell me why my exgf wants to control me?

Has she detached? Will she ever?

What else can I do to close this deal?
[/quote]
Never ever respond again. To anything. No matter what it is. Block!

[JerryRG]

Thank you  FallBack!Monster

She sent a letter last week, I sent it back without opening it, just knew it couldn't be good.

You are right, just ignore her, ignore her, ignore her bs