My son is a victim of abuse, both emotional and physical.

[Rykestrasse]

I am hesitant to write to a stranger but I am also trying to help my son.

He met a woman, got engaged and married in a year.

We thought she was one person and as it turns out she has BPD. She is not diagnosed as far as we know but I went to a therapist, talked about their relationship and he said she has BPD.

How do I help my son understand and get help. The reason I went to the therapist... .I was seeking help for my son who is a victim of abuse, both emotional and physical.

The therapist told me his wife has BPD and that my son should get out of the marriage especially before they have children. What do I do?

Sick and can't sleep mother

[PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES]

PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members may appear frustrated but they are here for constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[livednlearned]

Hi Rykestrasse,

It's so hard standing by and watching loved ones suffer. What are some of the issues you see, the ones that led you to seek support from your therapist?

Maybe we can help focus on issues that could bring him some relief.

I'm so sorry, too, that your son was the victim of emotional and physical abuse. Was this from his fiance, the woman he is currently with?

LnL

[Skip]

The therapist told me his wife has BPD and that my son should get out of the marriage especially before they have children. What do I do?

This, of course, is not a one paragraph answer - my advice is to get active here, learn what you are dealing with, how not to making matters worse, and how to help you son.  Joining here would be good idea for him too.

First and foremost, don't pass a third hand diagnosis off to your son - if he tells his wife she will feel threatened and she may start pulling her marriage (and you son) away from you.

Rather than trying to separate them (ending the marriage has to be a decision he reaches), my initial focus would be keeping communications line open with both of them.

Learn about the disorder. Learn about the developments in the relationship.