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Before you can make things better, you have to stop making them worse... Have you considered that being critical, judgmental, or invalidating toward the other parent, no matter what she or he just did will only make matters worse? Someone has to be do something. This means finding the motivation to stop making things worse, learning how to interrupt your own negative responses, body language, facial expressions, voice tone, and learning how to inhibit your urges to do things that you later realize are contributing to the tensions.
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Author Topic: am I being guilt tripped?  (Read 372 times)
bus boy
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What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Posts: 908


« on: September 18, 2016, 06:58:34 PM »

Xw is trying to guilt me. I feel fine, but I can't help but think of s10. Xw told s10 about an event this weekend,  my weekend.  The order is clear, no telling s10 about events on parents access weekend. I told s10 it was our weekend and we have plans. S10 was good with it. Xw and her bf kept texting s10 and pushing him to come to there event. I saw the texts on s10's phone, I sent them to my phone for court in November.  I have always been willing to compromise, xw never. I have missed much of s10 life, I have fought hard for my access, xw took most of the summer access away from me by the way she booked her vacation time. I had to build boundries, xw was walking all over me and my access. Xw doesn't care how she gains or keeps control, even if it means manuplating s10. It's so hard to keep children out of this, as hard as I try, xw seems to make me look like the selfish resentful father who is getting back at mom through the child. I had no choice but to enforce my access boundries and the more I take control of my access the harder she pushes. Xw wife says s10 is very sad about missing the event with her and bf and now they will have to try and make it up to him somehow. I always ask her for access changes not s10, and with out fail xw always says no. Xw never stops meddling in my access, now her bf is helping and I'm looking like the bad guy. How do I keep s10 out of the middle. I feel I've tried every way. I have built boundries so she works harder on s10.
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Turkish
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Gender: Male
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Other
Relationship status: "Divorced"/abandoned by SO in Feb 2013; Mother with BPD, PTSD, Depression and Anxiety: RIP in 2021.
Posts: 12127


Dad to my wolf pack


« Reply #1 on: September 19, 2016, 12:16:01 AM »

How does your son feel about you sending yourself the texts from his phone? 
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bus boy
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What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Posts: 908


« Reply #2 on: September 19, 2016, 06:03:38 AM »

I didn't tell him. I knew knew something was up by the way he was acting. I didn't go into his texts, s10 has an iPhone 6 so the unchecked incoming texts are visible on the screen. I checked and saw the harassing text from his mom than a second text came in from her BF pushing s10 to go to there event. My answer as a parent on my access time was not respected. I've given up plans with s10 all his life. He was never told of all the times I asked for him or all the things his mom crushed between s10 and I. So it looks like I'm not wanting to be a part of his life, he has no idea how much I fought for him. Xw manipulated it to look like I'm an absent father. Now I am standing up and Xw went the other way no I'm a selfish father who only cares for himself. In her ranting text last night, her and BF are going to some how have to try and make it up to s10 Bc I'm so selfish. She is twisting it in s10's head that her BF is there to make things better. It is a most horrible form of mental and emotional abuse Xw is doing to s10 and she doesn't care. Her goal is to somehow under and circumstance crush me out of s10's life. She has tried for years and failed now she has a very willing flying monkey to help. Problem is, I am to strong now. Like my T says. She can't hurt you anymore, she's done it all.
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